Just Another Lump Of Clay

Out of the many people that come and go… There are few that stick around forever. This is something we all know very well. Each person that comes to the homes in Honduras definitely leaves their mark behind. All of them special and touching in their own way.

They all bring certain stamina to help us continue or bits of motivation. Some of the new ones help catapult me to the

 next level. It is odd though. The old ones, the seasoned ones, the ones that I had long forgotten and then suddenly re-appear… It is those that seem to keep me going for the long haul.

Having Teachers. Counselors.  Friends. Pastors. The significant relationships that helped create who I am… I am talking people from my past. It is currently my past that is pushing me forward. Normally I would neglect my history and focus on my future. Despite what my old history teacher taught me to do with learning history to avoid major pitfalls in the future. I want to keep my eyes straight ahead and look for what is coming down the road. But what am I driving? Where is the energy coming from? What is it made of?

Today, I had sort of an Aha Moment! He is the Potter, and I am the clay. I am still clay. And I always thought of Him as THE POTTER. Then, as ridiculously elementary as this is I remembered the hands
of The Potter. Nowadays, His hands are referred to as the church. And frankly, I, like many of you, have issues with what we now call “the church”. Back in the day, however, the church was a community of people. For Stephen it was small groups of people in homes. People that were hands. The hands of the Potter. I am clay. Clay that has been pushed, smashed, nearly destroyed, and molded back together. Not just by Him, but by you. By the people that love me. The people that KNOW me. The people that raised me. The people that molded the people that raised me. It takes more than parents to raise a child. It takes a community. My family did a great job, but so much more was left pressed, pushed, shaped, and molded by teachers. Pastors. Friends.

I find great motivation in having people that know who I was, and those that helped create who I am, come see and be a part of what I do. It drives me.

The fingerprints that have been etched in my clay are molded into my hands. My hands that now touch the lives of young ones around me. I leave my print, but in essence, I leave yours.

Please Sir, I Want Some More!

I did it again!!!    I ate my words.

I decided that I would take nothing else on. Accept no more responsibility. Bring home NO MORE KIDS. You know, until I had more help.

Yup, I blew it. AGAIN!!!

Maybe it was me. Maybe it was my mom. Maybe it was really God. I am so confused that I cannot tell you what really happened.

Some how, we just grew again! In the midst of trying to clean up messes and working on figuring out what motivates the teen girls to make such awful decisions, and catch up on everything I left for someone else to do, but don't remember any job in particular that I have to do...  I think I may have said yes to one too many kids. Fighting the feelings of hyperventilation I am looking for new sponsors, more uniforms, additional baby supplies, and increasing the food supply, AGAIN!

Only one of the five new kids this week was planned. The rest, just sort of happened.

There was a commotion as a lady began to try to steal two children from a young girl walking through the market. The girl was 17 year old Miriam. She was looking for work and had her two kids and her 13 year old sister by her side. While the sisters were fighting for the kids, a man began to grab one of the sisters pushing her towards a car. Luckily, the noise drew attention and some assistance came to their rescue. The girls were taken to a safe place with the two babies and eventually we were called for help.

The story grows deeper. The girls were sent away from their home in the mountains by their mother. The step-father was trying to sell them to neighborhood men. The mom knew that the only way to protect them was to get them out of their village. The 17 year old was already left with a soon-to-be 3 year old and a 22 month old. The little sister would only be forced into the same lifestyle that was pushed upon the older sister.

So here we are sitting in a room with the four kids. Pretty little girls that were being taken advantage of and weren't allowed to study beyond third grade. We have a home that is full to capacity, and don't have the provision to bring home more children. Then, I look down as my son rolls his ball over their shoeless feet. That was all I needed to see. I didn't even want to look at my mom to see her reactions or thoughts.

I look up and nod at the psychologist assuring her we will do what we can. What was left to do? What would you have done? Do you say no I don't have a crib for your baby? Or do you take them home and make it work?

They are here!!!  The stress of it all is starting to sink in. It has pushed us over to the next level and we are looking for more permanent help. We need more baby items and also more toddler clothes. The girls have already been attending school at the Gates Of Hope and are adjusting to their new life styles. We are looking to God to provide more. I think He misunderstood when I asked for more though. I meant resources. He gave me kids.

His timing is always perfect. His plans are bigger, better, deeper, and wider. We started 2013 with goals that were going to push us to the next level. We are only in June. He is meeting us right where we are at and carrying us forward. We have new ministry opportunities. New partners. New buildings in the works. And continued progress on the existing areas. It is SO exciting! It is something only He can orchestrate. He is using SO many of you to help and assist. Thank you! Your help. Your service. Your donations. Your faithfulness. Your support. Your prayers! You help make it all happen.

Thank you for believing in us and helping us touch lives! Thank you for making a difference in the lives of these children!

Green with Envy!

Lately at the Gates of Hope I am having issues with girls fighting jealousy, greed, and envy. The words that come from feelings of jealousy only lead to feelings of hurt by the other party. That hurt then turns to anger and eventually retaliation. It is really a vicious cycle. That same vicious cycle follows us our entire lives! From our youth, to adulthood, marriage, families... It is there!

What if we all paused in those moments of bitter hurt and frustration? What if instead of retaliation we hesitated for a moment and prayed? What if when we felt anger we sought Him to fill up our hate tank with love to the brim so it could do nothing other than pour out in every area?

I am trying to convince the girls to imagine what it would be like to be the other person. In order for me to teach them, I must first do this myself. Lately, I have been in the middle of a lot of gossip, hate, and accusations. I have been dealing with people going over me with a magnifying glass looking for areas in my life where I am at fault. In the beginning I shrugged it off. Then as I heard it begin to grow and realized the gossip lines were ringing non-stop, I got mad. I was hurt, so I began to feel angry. Then I became bitter.

A wise person came along and like a mother hen helped pick me up and brush me off. "Lauren, stop giving them validation! If I could go to them and put a stop to it, I would!" Something about those words resonated inside of me. First, she believed in me. Second, she helped me realize I was giving the crazy talk power and letting it rule me. I quit wanting to work. I was become frustrated with the kids. I was angry at the job I was doing. I let the words being spoken hurt my core to the point where I questioned why I was going to continue working. If I don't do my job it will cease to exist because I don't see any of the pointing fingers down here by my side helping raise me up to be able to continue. That just continued to push me down, but only because I allowed them to. Then I wanted to retaliate. Any speckle of an issue that they thought I had in my life was minuscule compared to the unjustified gossip and judgement. Then I realized I had started to point my finger back. Worse I felt Gods tug... "Hey kiddo, their actions do not justify your reactions! Love. I gave you love!" But God... Mine are just thoughts. I am not shouting from the mountain tops!! And none of their complaints are currently justified!

Sometimes God stops responding. Why should He waste time speaking to a deaf person? Thankfully, THIS TIME, I was smart enough to finally shut up and listen.

Love. Sprinkle it with love. I was taught to love. It is easy for me because I had a great teacher. I had Him. On top of my Abba Father, I had great parents that taught love. It isn't easy for everyone. And sometimes one word, one look, or even one moment of silence can cause hurt. Hurt will always turn to anger in the end unless we seek Him first.

Things I am learning: AGAIN!

Don't give words the power to rule you and keep you doing what you know is right and true.

Don't be afraid to be real, to be you, even if it means you are going to hit nerves with people. When a person has a deep wound sometimes it takes cleaning it out and hitting nerves that will cause pain before it can heal properly.

Never stop, not even for a minute, believing that God will use every bit of the bitterness experienced in life to bring Him glory!

Always rely on Him. He never stops guiding and bringing direction or providing protection!

1-800-Pest-Man!

Its over guys. My world is coming to an end! I am turning thirty!!! The last year has been full of changes in my body, hair, mind, and anything else I am forgetting to mention. A few months ago I remember commenting on looking forward to it. Women in their thirties are beautiful to me. Twenties is just fun, but there was something about thirty that seemed dignified, elegant, luxurious even. I dreamed of having a real birthday celebration for a change. Actually being surrounded by friends. Old and new. Thinking that all my old girls who are also now at this same corner stone would be around to help celebrate the loss of my youth.

It didn’t happen! None of the glamour I “thought” was going to happen seemed to appear. To make matters worse I began to re-evaluate the situation. This happens a lot! When I see the need that surrounds me and start to feel depressed the first thing I do is contemplate WHY I AM HERE! WHY HONDURAS? I can’t help it! I am still human.

Adding to my emotional retardation... It has been raining a lot! I MEAN A LOT! Like I cannot drive through town because the water is up over the hood of the suburban. This means that bugs, insects, and rodents are looking for dry ground. They are forcing their way inside my humble aboad. As if the normal couple of them that I find sleeping with me are not sufficient I now have an army of roaches living in the house. I pick up a shoe and one crawls up my leg. I move a cabinet door and there is another rat staring at me. This, sadly, is my breaking point!

I can live with having someone that I know personally being killed every week for a cell phone. I can live with kidnappings. I can live with no electricity 50% of the time in this crazy town. I can live with never having enough water to bathe or finish washing the dishes and laundry. I can live with the ignorance of making me stand in line for two hours at a bank to have me reach the counter and tell me there is no system. BUT DO NOT ASK ME TO LIVE WITH ROACHES! I can kill spiders. I can kill snakes. I cannot, however, for the life of me kill roaches and rats. They reproduce on an hourly basis I swear! PLEASE SEND ME TRULY NOLAN!!

Dealing with creatures makes me contemplate my existence on this earth. Sad, but true.

After spending all day crying over my miserable life that I at some dumb point in my life “chose” for myself. (Yep, stupid me, I make dumb decisions that plague me for life.) I read a message from a sweet friend wishing me a happy birthday. This woman was a scrap book queen, best mom, decorated for EVERY holiday ever, and now… Now she has mastered sending all these cute picture messages via facebook. Almost like bookless scrapping. Looking at her message made me jealous. She made me miss home. She made me think about the exotic vacations I used to take on a regular basis. She made me think about the glamorous life I once lived. And part of me missed it. I miss the nice things. I miss pretty pedicures, spa treatments, beautiful clothes that had their own jewelry and shoes to match everything. But then my friends message also put me back in check.

I commented on her post dreaming about meeting some place around the Bahamas for another adventure. She replied, “I think of that day more often than you realize.”

I was puzzled for a minute. Why God? What was so special? She still travels. It is me that does nothing fun. She still lives that life. Why does she think about that day? With me? It was nothing, just fun.

“Don’t let off the throttle!!” It was a day of adventure with crystal clear water. It was also her first time sitting on a jet ski. She was scared and nervous. Silly to some, but it was kind of a big deal for her. We were in the Carribean Sea on a jet ski. Trying to calm her I began to give her some instruction. “Look, whatever you do if you see a wave, don’t let off the throttle. Push through it.” Sitting on the back, letting her take control, I was concerned. All I could do was encourage, guide, and remind. “Don’t let off the throttle!”

It was one of my favorite experiences EVER! I had so much fun that day that I think everyone needs to experience it. However, God is also using it as a life lesson for me.

Things here are sticky, stinky, and dirty. Actually, a lot of things here are ugly. Yet, I am surrounded by His beautiful creation. This country is gorgeous. PLUS! Every time I get scared, nervous, or want to give up and go back to my pretty life I get this nudge… “Don’t Let Off The Throttle!”

He has called us on purpose and with purpose. He uses all things to work for His good in His timing.

No matter where you are or what you are doing. You are here, now, in this very moment reading this babble by me ON PURPOSE.

Press in, lean forward, and keep pushing on that throttle. You cannot just walk away because it looks dark and dirty or hopeless.

I can’t imagine what happened and the feelings that were incurred as the Israelites questioned God as they wandered for 40 years waiting to get to the promised land. 40 years!! He provided for their needs and He was faithful seeing them through. What if they had thrown their hands in the air and said forget it? What if they had committed mass suicide because it was “too much”? What if they surrendered to the roaches and rats and allowed themselves to be carried into the ugly rat chambers and eaten alive? Yes, they questioned. Yes, they doubted. Yes, they had fear. They were human. But they pushed forward anyways and He was faithful!

So no matter what… Don’t let off the throttle! And flick that crazy roach back into its filthy nest and run for the RAID! Or just call the pest man! ;) God always answers your calls.

MY HERO!

No matter the hour, the day, the plans... He is there.

You know how as a child you could always count on your parents? It didn't matter what I got into as a kid, my parents were there to bail me out. It didn't matter what I had done, they were there. THEY WERE THERE! In an instant to save me from hidden dangers. Like Superman, but without all the muscles and special powers!

I was talking with a girl from the Gates of Hope a few days ago. She doesn't belong here. She has no child. She was not being abused according to the paperwork. The reason we have her is because I am a sucker. She ran away from home. The mom she was living with (who is really grandma) could not deal with her so she called the police. IHNFA was involved and I was called. They have no home for her. If I don't accept her she will go to jail because there are no beds available in foster homes. I met with her and we spoke for a few hours and I committed to TRY and see what happened. I reminded the attorney she did not meet the requirements for our home so the first minor issue we have she will be kicked out. We signed the papers and life goes on.

A few days ago I saw her crying alone. I sat down beside her and began to pry hoping to resolve her issues. I soon found out how little I could really do for her. She is feeling alone. She is feeling abandoned. She is feeling worthless. In digging deeper and asking why she reveals some more history. She ran away from home because her grandmother was abusive. Her grandmother sent her mom to a "friend" when she was a teenager looking for work. They were desperate for money. That "friend" was working for a sex house. There is a home here locally that holds young girls against their will to sexually satisfy paying customers. Her mom escaped, but was already pregnant. She left the baby with her mom and fled to the states. Now the young girl in our care was this baby. The grandmother had introduced her to a "friend" for the same job her mom escaped from. Our girl ran away from home because she was scared and felt alone and didn't want history to repeat itself. She resents her mom for leaving her in the hands of someone that will force her to live in the dark shadows her mom left behind. She hates her grandmother for making her mom leave. She hates her aunts and uncles because nobody stepped in and offered help. She wants absolutely NOTHING to do with her biological family.


How easy is it for someone like me to trust in God? How easy is it for me to forget to trust in Him? How much easier would it be for someone like her to trust in no one?

I had a hero growing up. I have an example of fulfilled faith. She has nothing, but lies. Hurt. Failure.

It is so hard to teach someone to trust when they can trust NO ONE! It is so hard to show someone unconditional love and support when they believe their "dream" they are living may shatter
tomorrow.

She needs a real life hero! Luckily, I know a Savior!

Sex For Tortillas!!!

 “Because I have hope that in her eyes, it makes a difference.” That was my reply. I didn’t know what else to say. I didn’t know how to ever make him understand. When a person asks why I do what I do, I get upset. I get nervous. I begin to feel insignificant. Unimportant. I feel dumb.

I think maybe I was stupid for letting go of a success driven life. I question if it would serve everyone better if I just left it all and began the rat race all over again. You know the race where each of you look for the next piece of cheese hoping each one you find is bigger and better than the last. In the end your pay check is full of numbers. Sometimes, I just wish I had a pay check and the size of it is really unimportant. All of these thoughts flood through my head at this moment and are followed with, “Why? Why do I do it?”

I dread the ride to IHNFA. I always dread the ride to pick up a new kid. Recently, I had the chance to meet Madeline. She is thirteen years old and has a newborn. Picking her up to take her to her new home is a reminder of all of the car rides I have had over the past few years with the kids that first come in. I get to know them. Know their past. Cry with them. Love on them. And help give them the hope of a better future. I kind of like this part, but I kind of hate it. I hate it because I never know who will get car sick and throw up all over me. (She only threw up twice.) It can be a long two hours. I hate it most because I never know what words will be filtered through my ears.  There is a part of me that cannot stand the horrid history that most of our kids bring with them. You think you have baggage because of past issues, but hear this. “My family couldn’t afford to send me to school. We had no money for food. I was sold so that my siblings could eat.”  Are you okay with that? How did that make you feel? “They were able to eat.”

My insides begin to twist and the silent grey matter yells!! They were able to eat? That makes it have value? It was worth it? How does that make it worth it?! Every day for the rest of her life you get to look at the result of a meal that was placed on the table.  What was taught to her is that her life, her body, and her value is worth a small meal! I am not talking a fine dining steak and potatoes meal. I am talking a tortilla with some beans and eggs! She has a child and she should be studying! She has a baby and she should be playing with baby dolls! She is forced to change diapers and wake up four times in the middle of the night for the next few months, but her little sister got to eat a tortilla!! I want to ask if she cried. Why did they pick you? Did it hurt? Were you scared? What infections did you get? Have you had treatment for it? Those answers, I know, will come with time.

What were you doing when you were thirteen? What did you think about? What did you dream of? How did you spend your time?

Madeline is so excited just for the chance to go to school. How would you have felt if you were thirteen and starting kindergarten? She is stoked! I would have felt like the stupid kid with the dunce hat. Not her. She doesn’t even seem to mind that she has to take care of her baby. She seems so resilient. It is amazing! So strong for being so young.

So back to the original question:

Why do I do it? Because I hope that I can change her world and give her the opportunity to have a future that is full of true love, not sexual slavery. I hope that her daughter will grow up in a functional home and learn real life values so that she can have a better future than her mom and not suffer the same abuse. I hope that there is some small chance that the backwards thinking that comes with abuse and poverty can be broken and that a new cycle will begin in her family with a new heritage that can be found in Him! I hope, that there is some sliver of a chance that Madeline will find healing, and wholeness, and purpose, and have an opportunity to make something with her life. I hope, more than anything, that she will discover hope in Him.

More importantly, I do it because I know this:

One day, it will have made a difference in her eyes.

Because from now on there is no more sex for tortillas!

I Give Up!

I am not sure where to begin. Today has been eventful. Emotional. Overwhelming. Exhausting.

It started a week ago. On January 1st around 10:15 pm I received a phone call. An attorney for the municipality in Tocoa was looking for immediate placement of three children. Maybe it was because I was already asleep. Maybe it was because of the urgency I heard in her voice. Maybe it was because God knew what they needed. I said yes. Three kids arrived shortly before midnight.

Arvin 5 Months

Jose 10 years old

Perla Samantha 6

Their mother was shot four times and sent to a hospital in La Ceiba. They had no place to go. The only person that was able to help care for them was a grandfather that was now helping the mom in a different city. I knew when I said yes that the reality of them staying was going to be for more than one day. That is just how things work in this country. It always ends up being at least a few days. Sometimes longer. I told the attorney they could stay until they had a safe place to send them. I texted my mom an update on the situation and her reply was "that could be never, lol". Funny, yet not so funny.

These children came with one outfit and one pair of shoes. The baby, which is a boy, had on a pink sleeper when he came. Lucky for them we have a house of plenty. We have supporters that send us clothes and were able to pick some good outfits for them. 

A week had passed and the kids were looking for information about their mother. Knowing she was in critical condition all I could tell the kids to do was pray and wait, but for now they were in a safe home and their needs were taken care of. Perla returned five minutes later and said, "I am leaving soon, my mom is getting better." I could only hope she was right. While scrolling through the phone book of my phone I recognized a new name. It dawned on me that the name was also the new director of the hospital that their mom was sent to. I started to ask for a favor and research information looking for any bit of news I could give to the children. I went to bed with NOTHING! 

This morning I woke up. I texted another friend from the same hospital to see if anybody could give me any news. NOTHING! Then two hours later I see a message, I blink as I read the following: "she is dead". My heart sank. I began to wonder if that was why the attorney was not answering my calls. As I sat in a chair trying to focus on paperwork, but contemplating what to say to these kids I had a knock on my door. I crack it open afraid to see Jose or Perla. It was Tania. I was relieved. "Mama Lauren, there is a lady at the gate and she wants to see you." I grabbed my keys and walked out the door hoping it was the attorney and thinking she may this hard task away from me I sighed.

I find this...  meet Gloria and one of her daughters.

Gloria was sent to us by the local health department. She says hello and looks like the sun was too much so I have her come inside. She immediately looks for a chair and collapses. With tears flowing she begins to share her story:

She has aids. When she was a little girl her mother sold her to a couple. The man sexual abused her and gave her a present she would never forget. A present that would cost her her life. She has three children. I cannot remember any of their names, but it is only midnight and I have been on an emotional ride since before the sun came up this morning. Forgive me. I will post their names in the morning. The oldest daughter is 11, the second oldest (shown above) is 8, and the youngest is a 5 year old boy. Her husband died, from aids, when her son was a baby. She is alone. She is scared. She has no support. She needs help. She is still trying to work a little, but no more than three days a week. She grabs my hand and says, "I can't do it anymore." Her oldest daughter notices she is gradually becoming more sick. She is weaker. Because her daughter told her mom they needed to know where they could go tomorrow if she was gone she came looking. She has tried to continue to be a mom, a dad, and a provider for as long as she could.

I needed a break. I asked her to give me a minute to check on Jayden. It was a lie. I knew Jayden was fine running around getting into trouble. I went to my room and collapsed. "God, I give up! I can't do this job any more!" We have no more beds! We don't have support for all of the children we have! We don't have support for all of the ongoing projects! She has a need. I cannot help. She has a NEED! How can I say no? I stare at my phone contemplating who to call. Do I call the states? Do I call my husband? I can't take three kids home with me. That is WAY too much. I also know I cannot keep them on the projects because we DO NOT have the funding. Crying I call my mom. Mom can always make me feel better, right? I was hoping. A female did not answer the phone. Not that my dad greeting me is bad, but I was wanting a good listener. Dad is good at hugging and fixing, not really listening. (Sorry!) I ask for mom, he puts me on speaker. I HATE SPEAKER PHONE! Oh well... I could not hold back any longer. "I QUIT MY JOB!!! I cannot do this any longer!" They ask whats up. I give them the scoop. Wiping snot off my face I lift my head and see Sandy is behind me listening, supporting, comforting from a distance. My dad asks about the new kids we have been waiting to receive since the end of November. IHNFA... They always have something else and it is always on their time. He proceeds to say, "You have the kids, they have the need, just get the papers and work on the funding." That is all I needed to hear. I think I ran out of the door. (I know I did because when I came back to the bathroom I had black streaks down my cheek. Gloria had to know I had been crying.) I run out to tell Gloria the list of things I need from her to make the transition. We call the lab and I sent her immediately to get blood work for the kids. They are negative! PRAISE GOD! The attorney is working on papers making us legal guardians so it will be permanent, and tomorrow it should all be completed. Before Gloria left I gave her a hug and told her I cannot imagine what she was going through, but that would be here to help support her through each and every process. She is moving into a room that the Pastor of her church has been renting. The agreement is for her to pay as she has it. If she can't work they will figure something else out. Leaving her children must be one of the hardest things for her. Walking away wanting to watch them grow old. Wanting to see your grandchildren. Knowing you will never have that chance and waiting for the ticking of the clock to stop each day. I cannot fathom. I cannot help ease that pain. I can hardly bare to try and comfort her kids during this transition. All I can do is love. 

I have cried off and on ALL DAY! My eyes are puffy. My head is aching. I am annoyed with everyone. I am so emotionally drained at the moment that I have nothing left to give. Don't even ask for a glass of water! Pray for me over the next few days. I need strength and wisdom. I need to know how to help and what to say. I still have some bad news to share with some little kids.

We also need sponsors! We need 225 people to give $100 each month for the next year. We need to consider that fourth casita. Today an additional security guard started. I am meeting with potential teachers. I am looking for the best private school for the four girls moving on into high school they have to be registered by the 15th. All of this is because of the support that you help provide. 

Thank you! Thank you for the problems that you help solve! Thank you for helping us make a difference! Tell your friends. Tell your family. Tell your church community. There is room for everyone to get involved. The need is great and I really HATE saying we cannot! God has enough in His Kingdom. We just have to make sure we are doing our part!

I didn't deserve that!

I have a hard time receiving help from friends and loved ones. I kind of like to think that I can do it ALL. And I mean ALL ON MY OWN!

I have had a special person staying with us off and on over the past month. She is one of a kind. I wish I could express how much she means to me. I almost feel as if I am being accompanied by Mother Goose every where I go. She always seems to have time to help. She is SO organized. I am not organized at all and always seem to run out of time. I always have something left to do. Being around her makes me want to be a better person. She makes me want to be more patient. More loving. More helpful. I fall short compared. WAY short! I hope one day with time and experience I will be as wise. Now that my little tangent about my failures is over I can get back to my purpose of writing. SHE HELPS ME!

Any task or job I have and am working on, she helps me complete it. If I spill something all over the floor (I am super clumsy!), she helps me clean it! If I am working on paperwork that takes me months to complete, she helps me finish it!  If I forget what I needed to get done, she keeps me on track. The truth is I need a copycat version of her beside me ALL the time. Or maybe she will stay and never leave. (PLEASE GOD!!!) A few days ago I made lunch and was just finishing eating, she was already at the sink washing dishes. It embarrassed me. I hopped up to go try and grab the sponge and start washing. It was my mess. Why should she clean it? She told me to go do something else because she could help. The first thought that crossed my mind was "I don't deserve this!"

I don't deserve much of anything! Do you? Nope!

Does it really matter? NO!!!

We have GRACE! I LOVE His GRACE!  I NEED His grace!

Ephesians 2:8 ~ It is by His grace that we are saved!

1 Corinthians 15:10 ~ We live by the grace of God! (I am what I am because of Him.)

2 Corinthians 12:9 ~ His grace makes me strong!

I love Titus 3:7~ That being justified (justified means to be declared righteous) by his grace, we should be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life.  

MEANING: I get to inherit eternal life. I don't have to work for it! I don't earn it by good deeds. I am given it freely through love.

Definition of God's grace - Unmerited Divine Favor!
Something my daddy taught me. This is also why I get to be a Kings Kid!

What is favor? - Websters says:
(a) Friendly regard shown towards another especially by a superior.
(b) Gracious kindness
(c) A special privilege or right granted or conceded
(d) Something done or granted out of goodwill, rather than from justice or for remuneration.
(e) Excessive kindness or unfair partiality or preferential treatment.

I am favored. Not just by God, but I am favored among men! I don't just want to receive favor, but I want to shower people with favor! I want people to know me for spreading gracious kindness!

Not MY cup!

Let me start by saying...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
A bit late.

Christmas has actually passed and was over almost 15 hours ago. Putting away the leftovers my heart was a little saddened. This year trying to fit personal time in amongst spending Christmas with our family of 60+ people here at Open Door Ministries was a bit of a challenge. We rushed through our "intimate" family Christmas so we could make it in time to see each child and tia open their gifts and share dinner together. It all happened so FAST!

WARNING!!! I am going to be extremely honest for a few minutes. Just hear my heart out.

I listened as my dad commented on this being one of the BEST holidays EVER! My immediate thought was really? Really dad? How could you think that? I miss being home in the states. I LOVED having most of our family here, but I miss the U.S.A. How could anybody enjoy being away from the comforts of home for a holiday? I was upset. I was sad. I want to see my Aunts and Uncles and all of my cousins and their kids. I want to share some special time with my friends, if they even still consider me a friend after being away for so long. I want to wash the turkey grease out of dishes with hot water and real water pressure. I want to be able to take a shower with out running the water tank dry on Christmas Eve and having to pray for rain so we can bathe on Christmas morning.

Then...

This happened! At the Gates of Hope, Tania began dancing with Nilsson. They were all Praise and Worship songs. Some of them fun. Some just sweet and beautiful. Nilsson was tired and decided to take a break and Tania played a special song that she wanted to dedicate to Mama Penny, Papa Barry, Tia Sandy, and I. As she danced all alone without a bit of shame and sang she was touched by His hand. The song is a little boy that is singing of his hearts deepest desires. And the chorus pleads that the father would just give the gift of love, and time, and affection. Nothing more. It is representative of our Heavenly Father giving us His love, and there is a part of the song that has the Father responding and affirming the childs desires for the earthly love. At the end of the song Tania ran to me and collapsed. As she weeped on my shoulder I had the tears streaming down my face and had to repent. In a world so full of hurt, pain, and sorrow all our kids need is love. His love and my love. Unconditional love. Pure love. The love that comes with the acceptance from a mother and a father.

Psalms 23:5 Talks about God preparing the banquet tables, He fills them to the top even in the presence of our enemies, He anoints our heads with oil; OUR cups run over!

I prayed that His love works throughs me that it fills me SO much that it runs over! His blessings have been poured out on our homes. His hope, His peace, His LOVE! Oh, if I could only portray how humbling the last 24 hours have been.

Our family then went to spend time at the Village of Hope to watch the little kids open their gifts. I sat with Reina watching her feel awkward and asked her to show me what she had received trying to give her some special attention in the midst of her casita's chaos. As she pulled items out of her gift bag her eyes began to water. She stopped pulling things out and dropped her bag so she could then hang on me and she bathed me with her tears. Again, I cried.

Nilsson working on a puzzle with
Engleis at midnight. It was important
for him to finish it.

It wasn't about giving presents. It is being with family. It is about the LOVE! It is about spending time with your "kids" even if it is midnight, and you have to be up early to see a patient.

I hope you have felt the love from your family and friends this Christmas. I hope you have found His LOVE to be overwhelming!

His love is real. Just like the day Jesus was born in the manger. As Mary and Joseph sought for a place to lay down and rest. Knocking and hoping to be received in and accepted. It remains that He is looking for a place to reside and place to pour out His love. First, you have to allow Him in and answer the knock on the door.

Give Him a chance,  let Him fill your cup!

By the way, I think I may have to agree with my dad. This was the best Christmas ever!

There is NO place like home!

I was hesitant to write about gratitude this year. You know how sometimes you get in a depressing rut and don't FEEL it. That was me today. I am bummed. I have to spend another holiday in a country that does not understand, nor truly embrace my customs. Like, who doesn't sell cranberries? Or sweet potatoes? Or turkeys for less than $10 a pound? SERIOUSLY!! Oh, and this blew all of my happiness out of the water! Wait for it... This is good!

This morning, I wake up and get Jayden to sit and watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. TOTALLY STOKED! The one thing that will bring me closer to feeling "at home". What do I discover? All of the U.S. channels that we get are blue screens! NOOOOO!!! Can you imagine the disappointment I felt in that moment. I should have stayed in America and not returned to this little country until after the new year. We were already sad as we took our seats that day on the plane. Really, I sent a picture of our faces to my parents. You want to see?

Pathetic, right? We were not too excited!

I came "home" and it has been a whirlwind of catching up and calming things down. Never a dull moment here. It has been a frantic period of trying to spend some quality time with family before the next team, but complete all of the tasks on the "to-do list". While many of you were prepping for holiday meal times, I stood in long lines at banks. Thankfully, was not turned away from the counter because of a failing system either! That is always a good day!

Last night, I decided to try and forget about the sorrow I was feeling with not having a real Thanksgiving. I decided to jump over the big turkey-day celebration and focus on Christmas. I was hoping I would not grieve the absence of family today if I "forgot" there was such a thing as Thanksgiving. I put up our new tree! All of my Christmas decorations are still in the States. Jayden has not had a tree in Honduras. This year a friend blessed us with some extra money and I was able to buy a new tree and all the pretties! I think it is the first tree of color that I have had since I was a very little girl. I carried my mothers tradition of trees decorated in elegance and beauty and let go of the funky fun colors, till now... Picking out the decorations I had to think of the kids. So now I have fun colors. Still undecided as to if I like it or not, but I LOVE that I finally have a tree! Another thing to be thankful for!

The thoughtfulness I put into "skipping" Thanksgiving just haunted my innards. It did NOT work! It was worsened as I reviewed the FaceBook newsfeed. Every friend, near and far, and my entire family making some dumb comment about how wonderful it was to be with family and friends and how yummy their turkey turned out. Really guys? Way to make a girl feel like crap! Then, my sister... Oh, she posted the sangria picture. That brought the tears. It wasn't so much about the food, the parade, the weather... NO! Not the sangria either! It was knowing everybody was home, and I am not. I was bummed!

I did the video chat thing with my parents and siblings. It didn't help. I was missing out!

Then, I had a knock at the front gate. A little annoyed for an uninvited interruption of my grumbling sorrow I peeked out the window to see who was there. I saw these little faces. I went out to see what they needed, and yes, it is raining here. They asked if I had warm clothes or food for them. Little clothes are always sucked up by the orphanage so I couldn't help. Food, I went to the refrigerator to get them some lunch. It is not turkey dinner, but a meal they were thankful for! I loved seeing their smiles and grateful hearts! It melted mine.

I came inside and about an hour later there was another knock. Again, it is raining hard! And again, it is little girls. This time, the fridge was bare. I just gave away every leftover I had saved away. I open the freezer and see a few hotdogs. I heat them and serve them up on sandwich bread because I have no buns. They didn't complain. Only smiled and thanked.

This made it okay for me to be in Honduras on a special holiday. Yes, I would rather be with friends. Yes, I miss home. If me being here on another holiday means that one of these girls didn't have to sell their body to eat today, I am okay with that. It is more than worth it! I just wish I had all of the scraping off of your plates. And the left-overs that you will eventually throw out over the next week or so.

Happy Thanksgiving to all of my family and friends back home! I thought of you today. I prayed for you today. I missed you today. I hope you realized how many things you are truly blessed with and even the little bits of things that we have to be grateful for!

Cheesin'

Before you begin to read this booklet that I am writing, GO GET SOME CHEESE! No... Really! Go get it!  I am bringing the whine! It has been a month since I was last in touch with the world. We have a lot of CRAP to catch up on. Literally, well... sort of. 

 

 

Where to begin? The beginning of September we had a small team. With this team I met a wonderful new friend who convinced me to join her church the following week. They were doing a medical brigade in Copan. If you know me at all, this took no work on her part. I love evangelism. I love medical out reach. This is right up my alley! It is why I even fell in love with this country! AND... Of course, I had to invite along the best dentist (my sometimes better half) in the world. Why? Because I can't leave him behind while I have all the fun. Or maybe it is because I love watching him cringe as we send in one last patient to pull an additional 7 teeth when he thought he was done for the day! ;) Really, it is because I love doing ministry with him. I love watching God move. I love serving together. And I love him! This just presented one minor problem, what do we do with the kid!?!  Oh, quick fix! Send him home with Mimi! That was easy. She left the day before the brigade began! I was a free woman! Almost! 

 

It was a wonderful week. We had the best weather! We saw so many conversions and got to plug people into COMMUNITY! And we didn't just meet the spiritual needs. We met the physical needs too! We saw between 700 and 1,100 people each day! IT WAS INCREDIBLE! My heart was full! I was getting rejuvinated. Partially because I didn't have to be a mom, but part because I was able to be a part of what I love! Minus the waking up at 5am each morning. 8 days away from Jayden flew by so quickly! I left the team to catch a 1 am flight back to the USA so I could get my little dude. I DECIDED, Nilsson needed to come along. His birthday was the day I was leaving and I didn't want to see him alone. Not to mention, he missed the Jaydi boy too! He already had a ticket that he hadn't used so we just needed to change the dates. It was going to be a wonderful 2 week vacation / babysitting. (My family needed a live-in to make sure my 15 year old brother didn't blow up the house, and still got to school each day while they went to a conference.) It was good. Nilsson left us early because he needed to get back to work. He had already missed way too much time in the clinic due to the brigade.  We said goodbye and I waited another 7 days until my family came back.

I find out the day before I am supposed to be going back home to Honduras that my e-ticket was one way, not round trip like I thought. Normally, I could care less. I would just enjoy more time with my family and try to see more friends that I never get to see. Not this time. I had to be back by the 6th of October because we only had temporary permission to have one of the ministry vehicles here. No big deal. We just have to drive across the border for 72 hours and come back with renewed permission. Upon return, we were going to try and pay the introduction so we could register the suburban. This was just the plan! We scrambled trying to find a cheap ticket for me to get back in time. As I am confirming plans to make sure Nilsson comes to pick us up at the airport I am hit with some crappy news.

1.) Dona Dora (The mother of Jaydens aunt) has colon cancer. It looks like they caught it in time, but she has to go in for emergency surgery. This woman is the sweetest most devoted christian/catholic I know. She is full of wisdom and patience. It isn't her I am worried about, but her kids and grandkids. They are the ones that would be most hurt. 

2.) This is the worst news. Nilsson has not been able to work since he returned. The air conditioner in his clinic went kurplunk. AND here is the BIGGIE... His compressor isn't shooting out enough pressure. It all looks fixable.  He thinks. Bad thing is unless someone needs teeth whitening or some wisdom teeth removed he is out of business. He is still waiting to see how the repair turns out. 

I buy my ticket hoping Nilsson will resolve his clinic mess in time to meet me so I do not have to cross the border alone. It just isn't safe. Or smart. Not that I think he would let me go alone. I just was hoping things would be fixed first.

 

I get into San Pedro and it is 10:30 am. Nilsson doesn't answer my calls. Jayden has fallen asleep in my arms. I have him and all our bags and I am pushing the luggage cart through the airport trying to come up with a plan. I sit in the mini-food court. I wait. I have now been waiting for 8 hours to use the rest room. I thought I would find relief here, but now Jayden is asleep! He tortured me through the flights, AND through the connection in Houston, and NOW HE SLEEPS! AGH!! I was angry that I got stuck next to some old fart that seemed to hate kids. I know Jayden isn't easy, but he can be really sweet. He is wild, demanding, and makes a lot of noise, but he also gives lots of hugs and kisses. Normally this happens right before or immediately after commiting a big NO-NO! He is only 16 months.  This vicious grand-dad didn't even want Jaydens blanket touching the arm rest. I actually hope he has no kids. If he does, they are pretty messed up people. I am sure of it.

As I am getting desperate, and thinking I need to pee my pants or leave all of my things and lay Jayden on top and pray nobody takes him, I see the airport janitor. I plead for her assistance. As I walk away in a hurry for the bano my phone jingles. Nilsson informs me he is still 3 hours away even if he was ready to come get us, which he is not. It was followed with, "so what are you going to do? Who is going to get you?" WHAT!?! I have the kid and I am just finding all of this out and you think I have some plan? Like I knew I needed a back up plan? I am dumbfounded, but don't really care because at the same time my bladder has found relief and is singing "HAa-LE-LU-JAH! HAaa-LE-LU-JAH!" I was distracted to say the least. The call dropped. I think I heard him say let me see if a friend can come get you. I don't care. I really didn't. I had food all around. Jayden was sleeping. And I got to pee! Life was good! Sort of... I walk out and I hand the girl 50 lempiras. She smiled and was grateful. This perked up her day and made her think I was her best friend. I was exhausted! I didn't want to talk, she did. Nilsson calls back, yes, he is sending his friend. I don't know if it is male, female, the name, what car to look for, nothing. He just decided this information was not important. But I will be picked up by 1. At least they can take me to the suburban! I didn't want to have to pay $30 for a taxi and have problems with luggage and trying to get the vehicle out of where it was stored, and worry about Jayden runnin around. I am at ease knowing that someone semi-familiar is going to help me. (NOTE: I have no clue who this person is, nor have I ever met them!) Two hours later Nilsson tells me to go outside and to walk towards the grey Toyota Yaris. Seriously, this is kind of freaky. What do I find? This cutely petite girl about my age. I am too ashamed to ask her name. She knows mine. She knows Jayden. And we talk like we have been friends for years. She was BELLA!!! (Beautiful) Inside and out. She watched Jayden while I manuevered the semi out from its position and loaded up the bags. We hug goodbye and talk about getting together for dinner when I am back and we both head out on our ways. I call Nilsson. Still not done. He is trying to catch a bus, but the next bus all the way to San Pedro is at 6. This puts us WAY behind on time. I start to spazz. He informs me of another bus that is going to Tela at 2:30. This sounds good to me, but... My phone dies. Totally dies. Not because of the battery. It had half of its life left. It just died because... who knows? I scramble. I was also talking to my dad about papers that needed scanned and emailed so I could cross the border and extend permission. I go to the closest phone store to see what I need. I enter in a frenzy trying to complete my conversations and trying to see what I need to do next. And I have to wait. And wait. And wait. This is common here. Employees like to play with phones and watch television while one co-worker tries to pacify all of the clients. I finally get someone to help me only because Jayden is screaming. I told him no he couldn't climb the shelves like a monkey. (It got me attention!) I ask for the cheapest phone that has a battery charge after he said it would be an over night and a minimum 600 lmp fee to look at my current phone. Five minutes later I am out the door making calls back to the states and looking to see what plan Superman has derived. He is on a bus already headed towards Tela and had the expectations I was going to drive 30 minutes back the opposite direction of where we need to head to pick him up. I am game because this still puts us back on track time wise to cross the border in time before the permission expires. We meet in Tela. He was waiting on me. I don't know how this happened, but I guess I made too many stops along the way trying to kill time. We head out towards Tegucigalpa. We got five minutes out of the city and the police stop us. Yep... Asking for money. What for? Some random project they are trying to complete. (You know, like eating dinner.) We give them 50 lmps and are back on the road. 30 minutes later, another police stop. Gah. This is INSANE!!! 100 lmps and we are on our way! Two hours later, another police stop. This guy has a handbook with the new road rules that he is trying to sell. We say we dont't have the 200 lmps that he is asking for. He asks for any help we can give. We come up with 60 lmps, and we drive off. We make itand are backam getting desperate, and thinking I need to pee my pants or leave all of my things and lay Jayden on top and pray nobody takes him, I see the airport janitor. I plead for her assistance. As I walk away in a hurry for the bano my phone jingles. Nilsson informs me he is still 3 hours away even if he was ready to come get us, which he is not. It was followed with, "so what are you going to do? Who is going to get you?" WHAT!?! I have the kid and I am just finding all of this out and you think I have some plan? Like I knew I needed a back up plan? I am dumbfounded, but don't really care because at the same time my bladder has found relief and is singing "HAa-LE-LU-JAH! HAaa-LE-LU-JAH!" I was distracted to say the least. The call dropped. I think I heard him say let me see if a friend can come get you. I don't care. I really didn't. I had food all around. Jayden was sleeping. And I got to pee! Life was good! Sort of... I walk out and I hand the girl 50 lempiras. She smiled and was grateful. This perked up her day and made her think I was her best friend. I was exhausted! I didn't want to talk, she did. Nilsson calls back, yes, he is sending his friend. I don't know if it is male, female, the name, what car to look for, nothing. He just decided this information was not important. But I will be picked up by 1. At least they can take me to the suburban! I didn't want to have to pay $30 for a taxi and have problems with luggage and trying to get the vehicle out of where it was stored, and worry about Jayden runnin around. I am at ease knowing that someone semi-familiar is going to help me. (NOTE: I have no clue who this person is, nor have I ever met them!) Two hours later Nilsson tells me to go outside and to walk towards the grey Toyota Yaris. Seriously, this is kind of freaky. What do I find? This cutely petite girl about my age. I am too ashamed to ask her name. She knows mine. She knows Jayden. And we talk like we have been friends for years. She was BELLA!!! (Beautiful) Inside and out. She watched Jayden while I manuevered the semi out from its position and loaded up the bags. We hug goodbye and talk about getting together for dinner when I am back and we both head out on our ways. I call Nilsson. Still not done. He is trying to catch a bus, but the next bus all the way to San Pedro is at 6. This puts us WAY behind on time. I start to spazz. He informs me of another bus that is going to Tela at 2:30. This sounds good to me, but... My phone dies. Totally dies. Not because of the battery. It had half of its life left. It just died because... who knows? I scramble. I was also talking to my dad about papers that needed scanned and emailed so I could cross the border and extend permission. I go to the closest phone store to see what I need. I enter in a frenzy trying to complete my conversations and trying to see what I need to do next. And I have to wait. And wait. And wait. This is common here. Employees like to play with phones and watch television while one co-worker tries to pacify all of the clients. I finally get someone to help me only because Jayden is screaming. I told him no he couldn't climb the shelves like a monkey. (It got me attention!) I ask for the cheapest phone that has a battery charge after he said it would be an over night and a minimum 600 lmp fee to look at my current phone. Five minutes later I am out the door making calls back to the states and looking to see what plan Superman has derived. He is on a bus already headed towards Tela and had the expectations I was going to drive 30 minutes back the opposite direction of where we need to head to pick him up. I am game because this still puts us back on track time wise to cross the border in time before the permission expires. We meet in Tela. He was waiting on me. I don't know how this happened, but I guess I made too many stops along the way trying to kill time. We head out towards Tegucigalpa. We got five minutes out of the city and the police stop us. Yep... Asking for money. What for? Some random project they are trying to complete. (You know, like eating dinner.) We give them 50 lmps and are back on the road. 30 minutes later, another police stop. Gah. This is INSANE!!! 100 lmps and we are on our way! Two hours later, another police stop. This guy has a handbook with the new road rules that he is trying to sell. We say we dont't have the 200 lmps that he is asking for. He asks for any help we can give. We come up with 60 lmps, and we drive off. We make itand are back on the road. 30 minutes later, another police stop. Gah. This is INSANE!!! 100 lmps and we are on our way! Two hours later, another police stop. This guy has a handbook with the new road rules that he is trying to sell. We say we dont't have the 200 lmps that he is asking for. He asks for any help we can give. We come up with 60 lmps, and we drive off. We make it to Tegucigalpa around 9 pm. It was a LONG day of travel. We visit with the grandparents and my eyes are shutting so I go to bed. Knowing we have to leave at the crack-of-dawn so we can cross the border before the permission expires, I pray I can get some sleep.

 

Friday morning, we scramble to load up and head out. We are focussed on our journey that lies ahead. We had no major problems with police stops. Just before we cross the border we are waved off to the side of the road. They have us get out. Unload the car. Look through everything. As one of the officers hands my passport back to me he tells me to be careful. He then says, "Don't let ANYONE process your papers for you in immigration. You do it ALONE!" I nod. I thank him. We load back up and head torwards the border. We pull up and I don't know where to go. Nothing is labeled. There is a mob of people inside a building.

There are people surrounding our vehicle. I get nervous. We park. I hop out. I immediately have people pulling on me and grabbing my arms. It is a shark feeding frenzy.My passport is ripped out of my hands. I spazz looking to find where Nilsson is hiding. I can't even make it over to his side of the car. I feel my face turning red with frustration, fear, and my blood pressure rising. I try and grab onto the back of Supermans shirt as he is walking off to find the shark that just took my papers. We move towards the middle of the building where the mob of people are all working/waiting on the same thing. The shark appears with my passport that is now stamped and his hand is out waiting for money. We tell him we need papers for the vehicle. We head towards a different office. We are then informed that El Salvador is considered a free border. We do not need any additional permission. AND... Our vehicle permission will not be renewed unless we enter through Guatamala. We are bummed. This means we have to cut through El Salvador into Guatamala, right? NOPE. Even upon re-entry through Guatamala nothing is going to be resolved. They no longer allow you to pay introduction at the borders, AND the VIN number is already in the transportation system with the value of the vehicle. A value that is way to high and means we have to pay $8,000 to import the car into this country. We walk out of the office scratching our heads trying to decide what this means.  "God, please tell me this trip wasn't made for nothing!"  Up walks shark boy. He takes us to a "friend". We explain to him that our permission is expiring the next morning. We explain that Honduras thinks the car is worth over $16,000 and that they want us to pay $8,000 in taxes just to register the vehicle here. He makes some calls. He tells us our option and for time, I will just tell you the best one. We go back to Tegucigalpa the next morning and submit papers in the main office to pay taxes and try to prove the "real" value of the vehicle. This is good. Now I just have to get my passport stamped so I can enter Honduras again. I never really left so this should be easy. NOT!!! I have a stamped passport that means I have to leave the country 72-hours. After shedding a few beads of sweat, a tear drop or two, watching the sun set, and losing $100 on the immigration offices desk I have a stamped passport and can enter Honduras!

 

Saturday morning ~ We wake up so we can head to Tegucigalpa. We sit in Aduana waiting for the chief to decide to see us to hear our plead. This never happens. Our papers are now officially expired. I feel screwed over, and we have to leave because they close at 12 today and we had no "official pending" business. My butt is grateful. I was tired of sitting on the floor. There are no seats. Nor is there an official waiting area. 

Monday ~ It is 8 am and we get to head to Aduana again! We sit and wait for three hours before we hear that the officials are in the office today to make sure that everything is operating as should be. This also means we are not a priority because the papers we want to submit are not official. Do not have any seals. It is more of a he says - she says battle. We get to wait. Just after lunch we are asked if we can located pictures of the salvage vehicle or get a copy of the salvage title. I call the states again. I will try to produce anything that I think will help me give them what they are looking for. I am informed that we have nothing. We continue to wait. I start to get concerned realizing how much work Nilsson is missing because the clinic keeps calling. This means patients go to a doctor "that cares." (You know, the guy that is sitting and waiting in their clinic.) I feel frustrated and scared. It is now 4:30 and the office is closing. They tell us to come back the next day.

Tuesday ~ Looks like another day is going to be spent sitting on the steps. It is 9 and nobody has spoken to us. Around 11:30 they ask me for a paper that they call a chiper document. I have no clue what this is, but I try to locate one. No such thing exists in the file. I ask what it looks like and where it comes from. It is issued at the border between Mexico and Texas. I call my dad. He begins making calls looking for this paper. It seems non-existent. We try and talk to one of the officials to make an agreement on the price of the car. She tells us that for an extra $500 on the side she will work with us. We have hope again. Today it is too late to process so we have to come back in the morning.

Wednesday ~ I am starting to worry. Nilsson has now been out of work for almost a month. His phone rings daily with patients he will not be able to attend to. We are stuck here working on papers and for what? I start to ask God why my family has to suffer and why my son has to pay because we are trying to be faithful in the little things. If we were a part of US Aid or World Vision they would have paid the $8,000 and not cared. We don't want to do this because we know how much can really be done with this money. I can't look at Nilsson. I see his frustration as he hangs up his phone from another patient. I put my head down while I try to hold back tears and send him the following text: "I am scared and frustrated. I see the sacrifice that you are making. It is appreciated. I don't know how it will ever be re-paid. I don't even know how we will pay the bills right now. All I know to do is pray."  My phone jingles, "lets pray then".  I feel someone playing with my hair, I look up and now have a tear rolling down my cheek. He laughs at me. I cry. It is all going to be okay. "God, this has to work out." One of the ladies walks out of the office. She decides to make an attempt to process the papers "as is" with our numbers. We think it is going through. The guy over her rejects it. We sit in silence waiting. For another $500 on the side we can get these papers pushed through and the vehicle can be registered. We agree. They continue to process. It is now too late to drive the car inside the gate so they can revise the information. We have to wait until tomorrow. The good news is... It is going to be processed!

 

Thursday ~ Today is the day. We will get the papers and be back on the road heading home in no time! Sort of... 10 am and we still have NO papers. The guy doesn't want to approve the file because he says there is no way that his boss could see the documents and agree with the approval. Crap. Now what? We wait. The two people being paid off argue back and forth. They discuss getting more money on the side. That seems to be the key. They take it. They sign off on the papers and we are good to go. It is only 3 pm when we finally have everything done. BUT... for 85,000 lps we got this vehicle registered! Thank God. The difference in pricing Nilsson could have paid with the work he just lost over the last week while we fought for a better price. God is going to have to restore it!

We have made progress! It is a relief. The only problem is the suburban is now just sitting in the drive way. We made it all the way home! No problems! The next morning when I went to go submit the registration papers to get the license plates it wouldn't start! Yep... We just paid all of that money to register a vehicle that we can't drive! It is the strangest thing. We tried jumping it. Nothing works. Just another trip to the mechanic... One day we will have NO car problems, right God?

I love living in this country, but these issues are almost too much to handle. You play by their rules. PERIOD! They have a law that makes no sense. You abide by the stupid law as written, or you pay people off. Both expensive, but one way is ALWAYS cheaper than the other. One way, although it may be wrong, is also the only "right" way. When the law asks for something insanely rediculous, what are you supposed to do? If both ways are wrong, which way is the right way? Do we just pack up, forget about the ministry and go home?

 

Oh, and I forgot to tell you. Nilsson thought the compressor was fixed right? His first morning back he went to drill a tooth and there was no pressure. NOT FIXED! More like, NOT FIXABLE! He now needs a new compressor. His air conditioning still isn't cooling and it is leaking water EVERYWHERE. Oh, and the office computer wouldn't turn on. My computer was cracked on the airplane. The LCD is split and I can't find a screen here to replace it.

Now everybody will know why we are not responding to you! Sorry guys! Pray for us!