Not MY cup!

Let me start by saying...

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
A bit late.

Christmas has actually passed and was over almost 15 hours ago. Putting away the leftovers my heart was a little saddened. This year trying to fit personal time in amongst spending Christmas with our family of 60+ people here at Open Door Ministries was a bit of a challenge. We rushed through our "intimate" family Christmas so we could make it in time to see each child and tia open their gifts and share dinner together. It all happened so FAST!

WARNING!!! I am going to be extremely honest for a few minutes. Just hear my heart out.

I listened as my dad commented on this being one of the BEST holidays EVER! My immediate thought was really? Really dad? How could you think that? I miss being home in the states. I LOVED having most of our family here, but I miss the U.S.A. How could anybody enjoy being away from the comforts of home for a holiday? I was upset. I was sad. I want to see my Aunts and Uncles and all of my cousins and their kids. I want to share some special time with my friends, if they even still consider me a friend after being away for so long. I want to wash the turkey grease out of dishes with hot water and real water pressure. I want to be able to take a shower with out running the water tank dry on Christmas Eve and having to pray for rain so we can bathe on Christmas morning.

Then...

This happened! At the Gates of Hope, Tania began dancing with Nilsson. They were all Praise and Worship songs. Some of them fun. Some just sweet and beautiful. Nilsson was tired and decided to take a break and Tania played a special song that she wanted to dedicate to Mama Penny, Papa Barry, Tia Sandy, and I. As she danced all alone without a bit of shame and sang she was touched by His hand. The song is a little boy that is singing of his hearts deepest desires. And the chorus pleads that the father would just give the gift of love, and time, and affection. Nothing more. It is representative of our Heavenly Father giving us His love, and there is a part of the song that has the Father responding and affirming the childs desires for the earthly love. At the end of the song Tania ran to me and collapsed. As she weeped on my shoulder I had the tears streaming down my face and had to repent. In a world so full of hurt, pain, and sorrow all our kids need is love. His love and my love. Unconditional love. Pure love. The love that comes with the acceptance from a mother and a father.

Psalms 23:5 Talks about God preparing the banquet tables, He fills them to the top even in the presence of our enemies, He anoints our heads with oil; OUR cups run over!

I prayed that His love works throughs me that it fills me SO much that it runs over! His blessings have been poured out on our homes. His hope, His peace, His LOVE! Oh, if I could only portray how humbling the last 24 hours have been.

Our family then went to spend time at the Village of Hope to watch the little kids open their gifts. I sat with Reina watching her feel awkward and asked her to show me what she had received trying to give her some special attention in the midst of her casita's chaos. As she pulled items out of her gift bag her eyes began to water. She stopped pulling things out and dropped her bag so she could then hang on me and she bathed me with her tears. Again, I cried.

Nilsson working on a puzzle with
Engleis at midnight. It was important
for him to finish it.

It wasn't about giving presents. It is being with family. It is about the LOVE! It is about spending time with your "kids" even if it is midnight, and you have to be up early to see a patient.

I hope you have felt the love from your family and friends this Christmas. I hope you have found His LOVE to be overwhelming!

His love is real. Just like the day Jesus was born in the manger. As Mary and Joseph sought for a place to lay down and rest. Knocking and hoping to be received in and accepted. It remains that He is looking for a place to reside and place to pour out His love. First, you have to allow Him in and answer the knock on the door.

Give Him a chance,  let Him fill your cup!

By the way, I think I may have to agree with my dad. This was the best Christmas ever!

There is NO place like home!

I was hesitant to write about gratitude this year. You know how sometimes you get in a depressing rut and don't FEEL it. That was me today. I am bummed. I have to spend another holiday in a country that does not understand, nor truly embrace my customs. Like, who doesn't sell cranberries? Or sweet potatoes? Or turkeys for less than $10 a pound? SERIOUSLY!! Oh, and this blew all of my happiness out of the water! Wait for it... This is good!

This morning, I wake up and get Jayden to sit and watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. TOTALLY STOKED! The one thing that will bring me closer to feeling "at home". What do I discover? All of the U.S. channels that we get are blue screens! NOOOOO!!! Can you imagine the disappointment I felt in that moment. I should have stayed in America and not returned to this little country until after the new year. We were already sad as we took our seats that day on the plane. Really, I sent a picture of our faces to my parents. You want to see?

Pathetic, right? We were not too excited!

I came "home" and it has been a whirlwind of catching up and calming things down. Never a dull moment here. It has been a frantic period of trying to spend some quality time with family before the next team, but complete all of the tasks on the "to-do list". While many of you were prepping for holiday meal times, I stood in long lines at banks. Thankfully, was not turned away from the counter because of a failing system either! That is always a good day!

Last night, I decided to try and forget about the sorrow I was feeling with not having a real Thanksgiving. I decided to jump over the big turkey-day celebration and focus on Christmas. I was hoping I would not grieve the absence of family today if I "forgot" there was such a thing as Thanksgiving. I put up our new tree! All of my Christmas decorations are still in the States. Jayden has not had a tree in Honduras. This year a friend blessed us with some extra money and I was able to buy a new tree and all the pretties! I think it is the first tree of color that I have had since I was a very little girl. I carried my mothers tradition of trees decorated in elegance and beauty and let go of the funky fun colors, till now... Picking out the decorations I had to think of the kids. So now I have fun colors. Still undecided as to if I like it or not, but I LOVE that I finally have a tree! Another thing to be thankful for!

The thoughtfulness I put into "skipping" Thanksgiving just haunted my innards. It did NOT work! It was worsened as I reviewed the FaceBook newsfeed. Every friend, near and far, and my entire family making some dumb comment about how wonderful it was to be with family and friends and how yummy their turkey turned out. Really guys? Way to make a girl feel like crap! Then, my sister... Oh, she posted the sangria picture. That brought the tears. It wasn't so much about the food, the parade, the weather... NO! Not the sangria either! It was knowing everybody was home, and I am not. I was bummed!

I did the video chat thing with my parents and siblings. It didn't help. I was missing out!

Then, I had a knock at the front gate. A little annoyed for an uninvited interruption of my grumbling sorrow I peeked out the window to see who was there. I saw these little faces. I went out to see what they needed, and yes, it is raining here. They asked if I had warm clothes or food for them. Little clothes are always sucked up by the orphanage so I couldn't help. Food, I went to the refrigerator to get them some lunch. It is not turkey dinner, but a meal they were thankful for! I loved seeing their smiles and grateful hearts! It melted mine.

I came inside and about an hour later there was another knock. Again, it is raining hard! And again, it is little girls. This time, the fridge was bare. I just gave away every leftover I had saved away. I open the freezer and see a few hotdogs. I heat them and serve them up on sandwich bread because I have no buns. They didn't complain. Only smiled and thanked.

This made it okay for me to be in Honduras on a special holiday. Yes, I would rather be with friends. Yes, I miss home. If me being here on another holiday means that one of these girls didn't have to sell their body to eat today, I am okay with that. It is more than worth it! I just wish I had all of the scraping off of your plates. And the left-overs that you will eventually throw out over the next week or so.

Happy Thanksgiving to all of my family and friends back home! I thought of you today. I prayed for you today. I missed you today. I hope you realized how many things you are truly blessed with and even the little bits of things that we have to be grateful for!

Clone Me, PLEASE!

How many times this year have you wished you had a clone? Like, EVERY DAY! You are not alone.

I have taken a writing hiatus for WAY too long. It just feels like there is never enough time. Can you relate? There is always something on my to-do list that seems to get pushed off until tomorrow. Or some project that I decide I don’t HAVE to have done. I can survive without it for a while.

The last couple months I spent leaving the house around 6 in the morning prepared to have Jayden in the car all day. There is always a celebration if I make it back home before 9pm. Jayden has spent more time in his car seat during his life than he has spent out of it sleeping or otherwise. I have just decided to think it is a sacrifice we can make for the difference that we are making in other areas. Deep down, I feel like a bad mom and really just wish I had a clone.

 

I need someone that will either help do my mom duty or that will help be the hands for my heart. Does that make any sense? I feel like I am at a point where it is one thing or the other, but both of them urgent, important, and impacting. Family is always first, but which family because they are all a part of my family.

At Open Doors, we really need some help. I need sponsors for kids. I need an additional $1,800 a month because right now I have six kids that are looking to call us family and come home with us.  I need staff.  I need a full-time teacher to teach on our projects and tutor some of our children. I need someone to help me with easy jobs like keeping track of chores. Helping a child learn their alphabet and numbers. I need someone to help me divide the boxes and sacks full of food each week. I need someone to help babysit. I need someone to help give kids hugs, love, and counsel. I need someone to help serve plates of food. I need someone with a heart. Either a heart to give so we can pay a staff member, or a heart to serve and assist on a daily basis.

About a month ago, I was preparing boxes of food at the feeding station.  I had to make sure the kitchen was prepared because I was not going to be back with supplies for two weeks. I struggled dragging a 100 lb. sack of rice into the kitchen at the feeding station and I felt a little hand on my back. As I turned to look I saw Joche’s smile. He is 11. He quickly came around and picked up the other end of the sack to help ease my burden. He then returned to the car and helped me carry the remaining items. He commented on the amount of food and the quantity that he was seeing. I was quick to ask him how many kids ate each day at that feeding station and his expression informed me that he understood without much explanation why there was SO much food in his eyes. He asked me if I had anything extra I could send home because he hadn’t had dinner and it was close to 8pm. I had nothing except crackers in my bag and the food that was already designated for the feeding station.  He took the crackers, gave me a hug and skipped away. The next day as I was dropping off the purified water they needed to cook with for the week Joche came running up again, but this time with his 6 year old brother.  It was almost lunch time and plates were being filled as I shuffled in the water containers. I stayed to help serve and clean up. Just as I was ready to leave Joche and his brother came and asked if I had any grocery bags left over. I happened to have one in the car that I gave them. I didn’t ask why. I said my goodbye’s to the cooks and turned to walk away when I caught a glimpse of the two brothers shooing away dogs and scraping the food off the table into the bag I just gave them.  They were collecting their families dinner. Hear me! The food droppings that the dogs eat. *pause* They were carefully collecting for their dinner. Even now, I have to stop to wipe away the tears. 

How can I tell of a love so great that He would die for you, yet because of hunger pangs you cannot concentrate in school or sleep at night.  Joche has a little sister that was so sick from being malnourished she was hospitalized for three weeks and almost died. Time and again this is what I face. Now you see why I have a hard time choosing. I want to be SuperMom and SAVE the world at the same time. How can I do both? I have to show the love. Not just tell stories about it. I have to be the love so that they can in a small way catch a glimpse of what it is all about.

If you are not currently support Open Doors will you consider making a monthly commitment. Will you skip a night out each month and designate those funds for one of our kids? Can you hold a house party to raise awareness? Can you talk to your church and ask them to consider sponsoring our ministry or letting us speak to the congregation? Can you talk to your family and friends and ask them to consider sponsoring the work we do?

If you are reading this, you know me. You know my heart. Please, HELP. PLEASE, Help us to continue making a difference.  

If you already support Open Doors, THANK YOU!!! We don’t tell you enough! THANK YOU! You are the reason we are able to save lives! You are the reason we are able to protect these children from child slavery and prostitution! You are the reason poverty and abuse is not their future! Because of YOU we have 51 children on our property full-time. Because of YOU we are touching over 300 kids at the feeding stations.  You are making a difference!

If you want to give, sign up here: Open Doors