Joking about the Grinch living in my home is not really funny any more. I am beginning to think it is a true story. WORSE. I think I may have become the, thE, tHE, THE GRINCH!
Seeing the holiday decorations ALL around every where I went used to make me smile. It used to be the happiest time of year. I would wait until Thanksgiving week to start decorating. I would have a tree in every room of my house. It would look just like Christmas had spinkled cheer inside my home. I think I should have been an elf. Now it is grueling to even pull out my single Charlie Brown tree and try and make it cute. My mom wanted help with her tree and I thought I was going to die! It is too big. Too much work. Has no meaning. It is pointless! It is just going to be torn down in a few weeks.What happened? Why is it that I am suddenly green and mean and wreched to be around? I see lights and wonder what the big deal is and why a person would waste their time decorating. I hear Christmas music and want to turn it off. I prefer to live in DENIAL! I will deny that Christmas is coming and that the holidays are upon us. But why?
You know how it hurts to examine yourself? Well, you need to do it! Let me tell you what I discovered while I played "Analyze Me".
I have spent the last few days grumbling and stressing and not even smiling. If you know me much at all, you know I smile CONSTANTLY. Not today. Not yesterday. Probably not even for the last week. I would rather sit in a dark room than chat with a group of people at a party. I would rather go sit by myself on a tree log than sit on the floor with my child and play with him. I snap at everyone, everything, every line, every person standing in the middle of an aisle. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE? This isn't me!
I have been so caught up in the stress of "life" that I forgot to enjoy living. Staring at the bills and lack of income. Looking at the nice toys I would love to buy if only I could. Scanning magazines and staring at all the new festive clothes. Dreaming about vacations I wish I could take. I have focused on the things that have NO meaning and left out the most important thing of all. I neglected to acknowledge the only true gift I have ever received.
I think it is corny when I see CHRISTmas written. I also think it is rediculous when a person says Happy CHRISTmas. The truth of the matter is that so many of us have left Christ out of everything. Trying to re-gain focus and remember the REAL reason for this season is not easy. Advertising agencies world wide try very hard to get you to focus on the next great product. You really hardly stand a chance. Unless you remember each day to Thank HIM for every little bit that you have. You have blankets to keep your warm. Food in your tummy, maybe not pate or cavier, but the staples are in your refrigerator. You have clothes to bundle up in when it is cold. You have shoes that cover your toes.
It is hard to remember that the little things are great blessings until we have to go without. If you don't have to go without the BASICS you have much to be thankful for and can spread some cheer. I worry about how I can give special presents to those near and dear, but I think the greatest present I can ever share is my heart. Maybe it will be okay this Christmas to send a special "love" note to our friends and family. We can skip the presents. We can skimp on the pretty packages, but sharing not just our love, His Love, is the best thing about this time of year.
