There is NO place like home!

I was hesitant to write about gratitude this year. You know how sometimes you get in a depressing rut and don't FEEL it. That was me today. I am bummed. I have to spend another holiday in a country that does not understand, nor truly embrace my customs. Like, who doesn't sell cranberries? Or sweet potatoes? Or turkeys for less than $10 a pound? SERIOUSLY!! Oh, and this blew all of my happiness out of the water! Wait for it... This is good!

This morning, I wake up and get Jayden to sit and watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. TOTALLY STOKED! The one thing that will bring me closer to feeling "at home". What do I discover? All of the U.S. channels that we get are blue screens! NOOOOO!!! Can you imagine the disappointment I felt in that moment. I should have stayed in America and not returned to this little country until after the new year. We were already sad as we took our seats that day on the plane. Really, I sent a picture of our faces to my parents. You want to see?

Pathetic, right? We were not too excited!

I came "home" and it has been a whirlwind of catching up and calming things down. Never a dull moment here. It has been a frantic period of trying to spend some quality time with family before the next team, but complete all of the tasks on the "to-do list". While many of you were prepping for holiday meal times, I stood in long lines at banks. Thankfully, was not turned away from the counter because of a failing system either! That is always a good day!

Last night, I decided to try and forget about the sorrow I was feeling with not having a real Thanksgiving. I decided to jump over the big turkey-day celebration and focus on Christmas. I was hoping I would not grieve the absence of family today if I "forgot" there was such a thing as Thanksgiving. I put up our new tree! All of my Christmas decorations are still in the States. Jayden has not had a tree in Honduras. This year a friend blessed us with some extra money and I was able to buy a new tree and all the pretties! I think it is the first tree of color that I have had since I was a very little girl. I carried my mothers tradition of trees decorated in elegance and beauty and let go of the funky fun colors, till now... Picking out the decorations I had to think of the kids. So now I have fun colors. Still undecided as to if I like it or not, but I LOVE that I finally have a tree! Another thing to be thankful for!

The thoughtfulness I put into "skipping" Thanksgiving just haunted my innards. It did NOT work! It was worsened as I reviewed the FaceBook newsfeed. Every friend, near and far, and my entire family making some dumb comment about how wonderful it was to be with family and friends and how yummy their turkey turned out. Really guys? Way to make a girl feel like crap! Then, my sister... Oh, she posted the sangria picture. That brought the tears. It wasn't so much about the food, the parade, the weather... NO! Not the sangria either! It was knowing everybody was home, and I am not. I was bummed!

I did the video chat thing with my parents and siblings. It didn't help. I was missing out!

Then, I had a knock at the front gate. A little annoyed for an uninvited interruption of my grumbling sorrow I peeked out the window to see who was there. I saw these little faces. I went out to see what they needed, and yes, it is raining here. They asked if I had warm clothes or food for them. Little clothes are always sucked up by the orphanage so I couldn't help. Food, I went to the refrigerator to get them some lunch. It is not turkey dinner, but a meal they were thankful for! I loved seeing their smiles and grateful hearts! It melted mine.

I came inside and about an hour later there was another knock. Again, it is raining hard! And again, it is little girls. This time, the fridge was bare. I just gave away every leftover I had saved away. I open the freezer and see a few hotdogs. I heat them and serve them up on sandwich bread because I have no buns. They didn't complain. Only smiled and thanked.

This made it okay for me to be in Honduras on a special holiday. Yes, I would rather be with friends. Yes, I miss home. If me being here on another holiday means that one of these girls didn't have to sell their body to eat today, I am okay with that. It is more than worth it! I just wish I had all of the scraping off of your plates. And the left-overs that you will eventually throw out over the next week or so.

Happy Thanksgiving to all of my family and friends back home! I thought of you today. I prayed for you today. I missed you today. I hope you realized how many things you are truly blessed with and even the little bits of things that we have to be grateful for!

Clone Me, PLEASE!

How many times this year have you wished you had a clone? Like, EVERY DAY! You are not alone.

I have taken a writing hiatus for WAY too long. It just feels like there is never enough time. Can you relate? There is always something on my to-do list that seems to get pushed off until tomorrow. Or some project that I decide I don’t HAVE to have done. I can survive without it for a while.

The last couple months I spent leaving the house around 6 in the morning prepared to have Jayden in the car all day. There is always a celebration if I make it back home before 9pm. Jayden has spent more time in his car seat during his life than he has spent out of it sleeping or otherwise. I have just decided to think it is a sacrifice we can make for the difference that we are making in other areas. Deep down, I feel like a bad mom and really just wish I had a clone.

 

I need someone that will either help do my mom duty or that will help be the hands for my heart. Does that make any sense? I feel like I am at a point where it is one thing or the other, but both of them urgent, important, and impacting. Family is always first, but which family because they are all a part of my family.

At Open Doors, we really need some help. I need sponsors for kids. I need an additional $1,800 a month because right now I have six kids that are looking to call us family and come home with us.  I need staff.  I need a full-time teacher to teach on our projects and tutor some of our children. I need someone to help me with easy jobs like keeping track of chores. Helping a child learn their alphabet and numbers. I need someone to help me divide the boxes and sacks full of food each week. I need someone to help babysit. I need someone to help give kids hugs, love, and counsel. I need someone to help serve plates of food. I need someone with a heart. Either a heart to give so we can pay a staff member, or a heart to serve and assist on a daily basis.

About a month ago, I was preparing boxes of food at the feeding station.  I had to make sure the kitchen was prepared because I was not going to be back with supplies for two weeks. I struggled dragging a 100 lb. sack of rice into the kitchen at the feeding station and I felt a little hand on my back. As I turned to look I saw Joche’s smile. He is 11. He quickly came around and picked up the other end of the sack to help ease my burden. He then returned to the car and helped me carry the remaining items. He commented on the amount of food and the quantity that he was seeing. I was quick to ask him how many kids ate each day at that feeding station and his expression informed me that he understood without much explanation why there was SO much food in his eyes. He asked me if I had anything extra I could send home because he hadn’t had dinner and it was close to 8pm. I had nothing except crackers in my bag and the food that was already designated for the feeding station.  He took the crackers, gave me a hug and skipped away. The next day as I was dropping off the purified water they needed to cook with for the week Joche came running up again, but this time with his 6 year old brother.  It was almost lunch time and plates were being filled as I shuffled in the water containers. I stayed to help serve and clean up. Just as I was ready to leave Joche and his brother came and asked if I had any grocery bags left over. I happened to have one in the car that I gave them. I didn’t ask why. I said my goodbye’s to the cooks and turned to walk away when I caught a glimpse of the two brothers shooing away dogs and scraping the food off the table into the bag I just gave them.  They were collecting their families dinner. Hear me! The food droppings that the dogs eat. *pause* They were carefully collecting for their dinner. Even now, I have to stop to wipe away the tears. 

How can I tell of a love so great that He would die for you, yet because of hunger pangs you cannot concentrate in school or sleep at night.  Joche has a little sister that was so sick from being malnourished she was hospitalized for three weeks and almost died. Time and again this is what I face. Now you see why I have a hard time choosing. I want to be SuperMom and SAVE the world at the same time. How can I do both? I have to show the love. Not just tell stories about it. I have to be the love so that they can in a small way catch a glimpse of what it is all about.

If you are not currently support Open Doors will you consider making a monthly commitment. Will you skip a night out each month and designate those funds for one of our kids? Can you hold a house party to raise awareness? Can you talk to your church and ask them to consider sponsoring our ministry or letting us speak to the congregation? Can you talk to your family and friends and ask them to consider sponsoring the work we do?

If you are reading this, you know me. You know my heart. Please, HELP. PLEASE, Help us to continue making a difference.  

If you already support Open Doors, THANK YOU!!! We don’t tell you enough! THANK YOU! You are the reason we are able to save lives! You are the reason we are able to protect these children from child slavery and prostitution! You are the reason poverty and abuse is not their future! Because of YOU we have 51 children on our property full-time. Because of YOU we are touching over 300 kids at the feeding stations.  You are making a difference!

If you want to give, sign up here: Open Doors  

The Grinch!!!

Joking about the Grinch living in my home is not really funny any more. I am beginning to think it is a true story. WORSE. I think I may have become the, thE, tHE, THE GRINCH!

Seeing the holiday decorations ALL around every where I went used to make me smile. It used to be the happiest time of year. I would wait until Thanksgiving week to start decorating. I would have a tree in every room of my house. It would look just like Christmas had spinkled cheer inside my home. I think I should have been an elf. Now it is grueling to even pull out my single Charlie Brown tree and try and make it cute. My mom wanted help with her tree and I thought I was going to die! It is too big. Too much work. Has no meaning. It is pointless! It is just going to be torn down in a few weeks.

 What happened? Why is it that I am suddenly green and mean and wreched to be around? I see lights and wonder what the big deal is and why a person would waste their time decorating. I hear Christmas music and want to turn it off. I prefer to live in DENIAL! I will deny that Christmas is coming and that the holidays are upon us. But why?

You know how it hurts to examine yourself? Well, you need to do it! Let me tell you what I discovered while I played "Analyze Me".

I have spent the last few days grumbling and stressing and not even smiling. If you know me much at all, you know I smile CONSTANTLY. Not today. Not yesterday. Probably not even for the last week. I would rather sit in a dark room than chat with a group of people at a party. I would rather go sit by myself on a tree log than sit on the floor with my child and play with him.  I snap at everyone, everything, every line, every person standing in the middle of an aisle. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE? This isn't me!

 I have been so caught up in the stress of "life" that I forgot to enjoy living. Staring at the bills and lack of income. Looking at the nice toys I would love to buy if only I could. Scanning magazines and staring at all the new festive clothes. Dreaming about vacations I wish I could take. I have focused on the things that have NO meaning and left out the most important thing of all. I neglected to acknowledge the only true gift I have ever received.

I think it is corny when I see CHRISTmas written. I also think it is rediculous when a person says Happy CHRISTmas. The truth of the matter is that so many of us have left Christ out of everything. Trying to re-gain focus and remember the REAL reason for this season is not easy. Advertising agencies world wide try very hard to get you to focus on the next great product. You really hardly stand a chance. Unless you remember each day to Thank HIM for every little bit that you have. You have blankets to keep your warm. Food in your tummy, maybe not pate or cavier, but the staples are in your refrigerator. You have clothes to bundle up in when it is cold. You have shoes that cover your toes.

It is hard to remember that the little things are great blessings until we have to go without. If you don't have to go without the BASICS you have much to be thankful for and can spread some cheer. I worry about how I can give special presents to those near and dear, but I think the greatest present I can ever share is my heart. Maybe it will be okay this Christmas to send a special "love" note to our friends and family. We can skip the presents. We can skimp on the pretty packages, but sharing not just our love, His Love, is the best thing about this time of year.

If a manger designed for animals was good enough for the King, every little bit I have is too good for me.  I know that I am blessed and I think you are too.

Cheesin'

Before you begin to read this booklet that I am writing, GO GET SOME CHEESE! No... Really! Go get it!  I am bringing the whine! It has been a month since I was last in touch with the world. We have a lot of CRAP to catch up on. Literally, well... sort of. 

 

 

Where to begin? The beginning of September we had a small team. With this team I met a wonderful new friend who convinced me to join her church the following week. They were doing a medical brigade in Copan. If you know me at all, this took no work on her part. I love evangelism. I love medical out reach. This is right up my alley! It is why I even fell in love with this country! AND... Of course, I had to invite along the best dentist (my sometimes better half) in the world. Why? Because I can't leave him behind while I have all the fun. Or maybe it is because I love watching him cringe as we send in one last patient to pull an additional 7 teeth when he thought he was done for the day! ;) Really, it is because I love doing ministry with him. I love watching God move. I love serving together. And I love him! This just presented one minor problem, what do we do with the kid!?!  Oh, quick fix! Send him home with Mimi! That was easy. She left the day before the brigade began! I was a free woman! Almost! 

 

It was a wonderful week. We had the best weather! We saw so many conversions and got to plug people into COMMUNITY! And we didn't just meet the spiritual needs. We met the physical needs too! We saw between 700 and 1,100 people each day! IT WAS INCREDIBLE! My heart was full! I was getting rejuvinated. Partially because I didn't have to be a mom, but part because I was able to be a part of what I love! Minus the waking up at 5am each morning. 8 days away from Jayden flew by so quickly! I left the team to catch a 1 am flight back to the USA so I could get my little dude. I DECIDED, Nilsson needed to come along. His birthday was the day I was leaving and I didn't want to see him alone. Not to mention, he missed the Jaydi boy too! He already had a ticket that he hadn't used so we just needed to change the dates. It was going to be a wonderful 2 week vacation / babysitting. (My family needed a live-in to make sure my 15 year old brother didn't blow up the house, and still got to school each day while they went to a conference.) It was good. Nilsson left us early because he needed to get back to work. He had already missed way too much time in the clinic due to the brigade.  We said goodbye and I waited another 7 days until my family came back.

I find out the day before I am supposed to be going back home to Honduras that my e-ticket was one way, not round trip like I thought. Normally, I could care less. I would just enjoy more time with my family and try to see more friends that I never get to see. Not this time. I had to be back by the 6th of October because we only had temporary permission to have one of the ministry vehicles here. No big deal. We just have to drive across the border for 72 hours and come back with renewed permission. Upon return, we were going to try and pay the introduction so we could register the suburban. This was just the plan! We scrambled trying to find a cheap ticket for me to get back in time. As I am confirming plans to make sure Nilsson comes to pick us up at the airport I am hit with some crappy news.

1.) Dona Dora (The mother of Jaydens aunt) has colon cancer. It looks like they caught it in time, but she has to go in for emergency surgery. This woman is the sweetest most devoted christian/catholic I know. She is full of wisdom and patience. It isn't her I am worried about, but her kids and grandkids. They are the ones that would be most hurt. 

2.) This is the worst news. Nilsson has not been able to work since he returned. The air conditioner in his clinic went kurplunk. AND here is the BIGGIE... His compressor isn't shooting out enough pressure. It all looks fixable.  He thinks. Bad thing is unless someone needs teeth whitening or some wisdom teeth removed he is out of business. He is still waiting to see how the repair turns out. 

I buy my ticket hoping Nilsson will resolve his clinic mess in time to meet me so I do not have to cross the border alone. It just isn't safe. Or smart. Not that I think he would let me go alone. I just was hoping things would be fixed first.

 

I get into San Pedro and it is 10:30 am. Nilsson doesn't answer my calls. Jayden has fallen asleep in my arms. I have him and all our bags and I am pushing the luggage cart through the airport trying to come up with a plan. I sit in the mini-food court. I wait. I have now been waiting for 8 hours to use the rest room. I thought I would find relief here, but now Jayden is asleep! He tortured me through the flights, AND through the connection in Houston, and NOW HE SLEEPS! AGH!! I was angry that I got stuck next to some old fart that seemed to hate kids. I know Jayden isn't easy, but he can be really sweet. He is wild, demanding, and makes a lot of noise, but he also gives lots of hugs and kisses. Normally this happens right before or immediately after commiting a big NO-NO! He is only 16 months.  This vicious grand-dad didn't even want Jaydens blanket touching the arm rest. I actually hope he has no kids. If he does, they are pretty messed up people. I am sure of it.

As I am getting desperate, and thinking I need to pee my pants or leave all of my things and lay Jayden on top and pray nobody takes him, I see the airport janitor. I plead for her assistance. As I walk away in a hurry for the bano my phone jingles. Nilsson informs me he is still 3 hours away even if he was ready to come get us, which he is not. It was followed with, "so what are you going to do? Who is going to get you?" WHAT!?! I have the kid and I am just finding all of this out and you think I have some plan? Like I knew I needed a back up plan? I am dumbfounded, but don't really care because at the same time my bladder has found relief and is singing "HAa-LE-LU-JAH! HAaa-LE-LU-JAH!" I was distracted to say the least. The call dropped. I think I heard him say let me see if a friend can come get you. I don't care. I really didn't. I had food all around. Jayden was sleeping. And I got to pee! Life was good! Sort of... I walk out and I hand the girl 50 lempiras. She smiled and was grateful. This perked up her day and made her think I was her best friend. I was exhausted! I didn't want to talk, she did. Nilsson calls back, yes, he is sending his friend. I don't know if it is male, female, the name, what car to look for, nothing. He just decided this information was not important. But I will be picked up by 1. At least they can take me to the suburban! I didn't want to have to pay $30 for a taxi and have problems with luggage and trying to get the vehicle out of where it was stored, and worry about Jayden runnin around. I am at ease knowing that someone semi-familiar is going to help me. (NOTE: I have no clue who this person is, nor have I ever met them!) Two hours later Nilsson tells me to go outside and to walk towards the grey Toyota Yaris. Seriously, this is kind of freaky. What do I find? This cutely petite girl about my age. I am too ashamed to ask her name. She knows mine. She knows Jayden. And we talk like we have been friends for years. She was BELLA!!! (Beautiful) Inside and out. She watched Jayden while I manuevered the semi out from its position and loaded up the bags. We hug goodbye and talk about getting together for dinner when I am back and we both head out on our ways. I call Nilsson. Still not done. He is trying to catch a bus, but the next bus all the way to San Pedro is at 6. This puts us WAY behind on time. I start to spazz. He informs me of another bus that is going to Tela at 2:30. This sounds good to me, but... My phone dies. Totally dies. Not because of the battery. It had half of its life left. It just died because... who knows? I scramble. I was also talking to my dad about papers that needed scanned and emailed so I could cross the border and extend permission. I go to the closest phone store to see what I need. I enter in a frenzy trying to complete my conversations and trying to see what I need to do next. And I have to wait. And wait. And wait. This is common here. Employees like to play with phones and watch television while one co-worker tries to pacify all of the clients. I finally get someone to help me only because Jayden is screaming. I told him no he couldn't climb the shelves like a monkey. (It got me attention!) I ask for the cheapest phone that has a battery charge after he said it would be an over night and a minimum 600 lmp fee to look at my current phone. Five minutes later I am out the door making calls back to the states and looking to see what plan Superman has derived. He is on a bus already headed towards Tela and had the expectations I was going to drive 30 minutes back the opposite direction of where we need to head to pick him up. I am game because this still puts us back on track time wise to cross the border in time before the permission expires. We meet in Tela. He was waiting on me. I don't know how this happened, but I guess I made too many stops along the way trying to kill time. We head out towards Tegucigalpa. We got five minutes out of the city and the police stop us. Yep... Asking for money. What for? Some random project they are trying to complete. (You know, like eating dinner.) We give them 50 lmps and are back on the road. 30 minutes later, another police stop. Gah. This is INSANE!!! 100 lmps and we are on our way! Two hours later, another police stop. This guy has a handbook with the new road rules that he is trying to sell. We say we dont't have the 200 lmps that he is asking for. He asks for any help we can give. We come up with 60 lmps, and we drive off. We make itand are backam getting desperate, and thinking I need to pee my pants or leave all of my things and lay Jayden on top and pray nobody takes him, I see the airport janitor. I plead for her assistance. As I walk away in a hurry for the bano my phone jingles. Nilsson informs me he is still 3 hours away even if he was ready to come get us, which he is not. It was followed with, "so what are you going to do? Who is going to get you?" WHAT!?! I have the kid and I am just finding all of this out and you think I have some plan? Like I knew I needed a back up plan? I am dumbfounded, but don't really care because at the same time my bladder has found relief and is singing "HAa-LE-LU-JAH! HAaa-LE-LU-JAH!" I was distracted to say the least. The call dropped. I think I heard him say let me see if a friend can come get you. I don't care. I really didn't. I had food all around. Jayden was sleeping. And I got to pee! Life was good! Sort of... I walk out and I hand the girl 50 lempiras. She smiled and was grateful. This perked up her day and made her think I was her best friend. I was exhausted! I didn't want to talk, she did. Nilsson calls back, yes, he is sending his friend. I don't know if it is male, female, the name, what car to look for, nothing. He just decided this information was not important. But I will be picked up by 1. At least they can take me to the suburban! I didn't want to have to pay $30 for a taxi and have problems with luggage and trying to get the vehicle out of where it was stored, and worry about Jayden runnin around. I am at ease knowing that someone semi-familiar is going to help me. (NOTE: I have no clue who this person is, nor have I ever met them!) Two hours later Nilsson tells me to go outside and to walk towards the grey Toyota Yaris. Seriously, this is kind of freaky. What do I find? This cutely petite girl about my age. I am too ashamed to ask her name. She knows mine. She knows Jayden. And we talk like we have been friends for years. She was BELLA!!! (Beautiful) Inside and out. She watched Jayden while I manuevered the semi out from its position and loaded up the bags. We hug goodbye and talk about getting together for dinner when I am back and we both head out on our ways. I call Nilsson. Still not done. He is trying to catch a bus, but the next bus all the way to San Pedro is at 6. This puts us WAY behind on time. I start to spazz. He informs me of another bus that is going to Tela at 2:30. This sounds good to me, but... My phone dies. Totally dies. Not because of the battery. It had half of its life left. It just died because... who knows? I scramble. I was also talking to my dad about papers that needed scanned and emailed so I could cross the border and extend permission. I go to the closest phone store to see what I need. I enter in a frenzy trying to complete my conversations and trying to see what I need to do next. And I have to wait. And wait. And wait. This is common here. Employees like to play with phones and watch television while one co-worker tries to pacify all of the clients. I finally get someone to help me only because Jayden is screaming. I told him no he couldn't climb the shelves like a monkey. (It got me attention!) I ask for the cheapest phone that has a battery charge after he said it would be an over night and a minimum 600 lmp fee to look at my current phone. Five minutes later I am out the door making calls back to the states and looking to see what plan Superman has derived. He is on a bus already headed towards Tela and had the expectations I was going to drive 30 minutes back the opposite direction of where we need to head to pick him up. I am game because this still puts us back on track time wise to cross the border in time before the permission expires. We meet in Tela. He was waiting on me. I don't know how this happened, but I guess I made too many stops along the way trying to kill time. We head out towards Tegucigalpa. We got five minutes out of the city and the police stop us. Yep... Asking for money. What for? Some random project they are trying to complete. (You know, like eating dinner.) We give them 50 lmps and are back on the road. 30 minutes later, another police stop. Gah. This is INSANE!!! 100 lmps and we are on our way! Two hours later, another police stop. This guy has a handbook with the new road rules that he is trying to sell. We say we dont't have the 200 lmps that he is asking for. He asks for any help we can give. We come up with 60 lmps, and we drive off. We make itand are back on the road. 30 minutes later, another police stop. Gah. This is INSANE!!! 100 lmps and we are on our way! Two hours later, another police stop. This guy has a handbook with the new road rules that he is trying to sell. We say we dont't have the 200 lmps that he is asking for. He asks for any help we can give. We come up with 60 lmps, and we drive off. We make it to Tegucigalpa around 9 pm. It was a LONG day of travel. We visit with the grandparents and my eyes are shutting so I go to bed. Knowing we have to leave at the crack-of-dawn so we can cross the border before the permission expires, I pray I can get some sleep.

 

Friday morning, we scramble to load up and head out. We are focussed on our journey that lies ahead. We had no major problems with police stops. Just before we cross the border we are waved off to the side of the road. They have us get out. Unload the car. Look through everything. As one of the officers hands my passport back to me he tells me to be careful. He then says, "Don't let ANYONE process your papers for you in immigration. You do it ALONE!" I nod. I thank him. We load back up and head torwards the border. We pull up and I don't know where to go. Nothing is labeled. There is a mob of people inside a building.

There are people surrounding our vehicle. I get nervous. We park. I hop out. I immediately have people pulling on me and grabbing my arms. It is a shark feeding frenzy.My passport is ripped out of my hands. I spazz looking to find where Nilsson is hiding. I can't even make it over to his side of the car. I feel my face turning red with frustration, fear, and my blood pressure rising. I try and grab onto the back of Supermans shirt as he is walking off to find the shark that just took my papers. We move towards the middle of the building where the mob of people are all working/waiting on the same thing. The shark appears with my passport that is now stamped and his hand is out waiting for money. We tell him we need papers for the vehicle. We head towards a different office. We are then informed that El Salvador is considered a free border. We do not need any additional permission. AND... Our vehicle permission will not be renewed unless we enter through Guatamala. We are bummed. This means we have to cut through El Salvador into Guatamala, right? NOPE. Even upon re-entry through Guatamala nothing is going to be resolved. They no longer allow you to pay introduction at the borders, AND the VIN number is already in the transportation system with the value of the vehicle. A value that is way to high and means we have to pay $8,000 to import the car into this country. We walk out of the office scratching our heads trying to decide what this means.  "God, please tell me this trip wasn't made for nothing!"  Up walks shark boy. He takes us to a "friend". We explain to him that our permission is expiring the next morning. We explain that Honduras thinks the car is worth over $16,000 and that they want us to pay $8,000 in taxes just to register the vehicle here. He makes some calls. He tells us our option and for time, I will just tell you the best one. We go back to Tegucigalpa the next morning and submit papers in the main office to pay taxes and try to prove the "real" value of the vehicle. This is good. Now I just have to get my passport stamped so I can enter Honduras again. I never really left so this should be easy. NOT!!! I have a stamped passport that means I have to leave the country 72-hours. After shedding a few beads of sweat, a tear drop or two, watching the sun set, and losing $100 on the immigration offices desk I have a stamped passport and can enter Honduras!

 

Saturday morning ~ We wake up so we can head to Tegucigalpa. We sit in Aduana waiting for the chief to decide to see us to hear our plead. This never happens. Our papers are now officially expired. I feel screwed over, and we have to leave because they close at 12 today and we had no "official pending" business. My butt is grateful. I was tired of sitting on the floor. There are no seats. Nor is there an official waiting area. 

Monday ~ It is 8 am and we get to head to Aduana again! We sit and wait for three hours before we hear that the officials are in the office today to make sure that everything is operating as should be. This also means we are not a priority because the papers we want to submit are not official. Do not have any seals. It is more of a he says - she says battle. We get to wait. Just after lunch we are asked if we can located pictures of the salvage vehicle or get a copy of the salvage title. I call the states again. I will try to produce anything that I think will help me give them what they are looking for. I am informed that we have nothing. We continue to wait. I start to get concerned realizing how much work Nilsson is missing because the clinic keeps calling. This means patients go to a doctor "that cares." (You know, the guy that is sitting and waiting in their clinic.) I feel frustrated and scared. It is now 4:30 and the office is closing. They tell us to come back the next day.

Tuesday ~ Looks like another day is going to be spent sitting on the steps. It is 9 and nobody has spoken to us. Around 11:30 they ask me for a paper that they call a chiper document. I have no clue what this is, but I try to locate one. No such thing exists in the file. I ask what it looks like and where it comes from. It is issued at the border between Mexico and Texas. I call my dad. He begins making calls looking for this paper. It seems non-existent. We try and talk to one of the officials to make an agreement on the price of the car. She tells us that for an extra $500 on the side she will work with us. We have hope again. Today it is too late to process so we have to come back in the morning.

Wednesday ~ I am starting to worry. Nilsson has now been out of work for almost a month. His phone rings daily with patients he will not be able to attend to. We are stuck here working on papers and for what? I start to ask God why my family has to suffer and why my son has to pay because we are trying to be faithful in the little things. If we were a part of US Aid or World Vision they would have paid the $8,000 and not cared. We don't want to do this because we know how much can really be done with this money. I can't look at Nilsson. I see his frustration as he hangs up his phone from another patient. I put my head down while I try to hold back tears and send him the following text: "I am scared and frustrated. I see the sacrifice that you are making. It is appreciated. I don't know how it will ever be re-paid. I don't even know how we will pay the bills right now. All I know to do is pray."  My phone jingles, "lets pray then".  I feel someone playing with my hair, I look up and now have a tear rolling down my cheek. He laughs at me. I cry. It is all going to be okay. "God, this has to work out." One of the ladies walks out of the office. She decides to make an attempt to process the papers "as is" with our numbers. We think it is going through. The guy over her rejects it. We sit in silence waiting. For another $500 on the side we can get these papers pushed through and the vehicle can be registered. We agree. They continue to process. It is now too late to drive the car inside the gate so they can revise the information. We have to wait until tomorrow. The good news is... It is going to be processed!

 

Thursday ~ Today is the day. We will get the papers and be back on the road heading home in no time! Sort of... 10 am and we still have NO papers. The guy doesn't want to approve the file because he says there is no way that his boss could see the documents and agree with the approval. Crap. Now what? We wait. The two people being paid off argue back and forth. They discuss getting more money on the side. That seems to be the key. They take it. They sign off on the papers and we are good to go. It is only 3 pm when we finally have everything done. BUT... for 85,000 lps we got this vehicle registered! Thank God. The difference in pricing Nilsson could have paid with the work he just lost over the last week while we fought for a better price. God is going to have to restore it!

We have made progress! It is a relief. The only problem is the suburban is now just sitting in the drive way. We made it all the way home! No problems! The next morning when I went to go submit the registration papers to get the license plates it wouldn't start! Yep... We just paid all of that money to register a vehicle that we can't drive! It is the strangest thing. We tried jumping it. Nothing works. Just another trip to the mechanic... One day we will have NO car problems, right God?

I love living in this country, but these issues are almost too much to handle. You play by their rules. PERIOD! They have a law that makes no sense. You abide by the stupid law as written, or you pay people off. Both expensive, but one way is ALWAYS cheaper than the other. One way, although it may be wrong, is also the only "right" way. When the law asks for something insanely rediculous, what are you supposed to do? If both ways are wrong, which way is the right way? Do we just pack up, forget about the ministry and go home?

 

Oh, and I forgot to tell you. Nilsson thought the compressor was fixed right? His first morning back he went to drill a tooth and there was no pressure. NOT FIXED! More like, NOT FIXABLE! He now needs a new compressor. His air conditioning still isn't cooling and it is leaking water EVERYWHERE. Oh, and the office computer wouldn't turn on. My computer was cracked on the airplane. The LCD is split and I can't find a screen here to replace it.

Now everybody will know why we are not responding to you! Sorry guys! Pray for us!

You're Gonna Get Hurt!

I think I say those words at least 50, yes, you read that right, 50 times a day. I have Junior Evel Knievel growing up in my home. He is only 15 months, but someone forgot to tell him he was not an adult when he was born. I find him on top of kitchen counters, above the t.v. stand, pushing chairs and stacking boxes to reach the top of the refrigerator. NO EXAGERATION!  This is the same kid I watch push this little car thing, then hop on top and surf! Yup, the entire time I am screaming "You're gonna get hurt!"  

It makes me wonder how often God does this with us. I am sure that every bad relationship, bad business move, pre-mature church plant, and way to soon move into a foreign country was prefaced by, you know it, "You're gonna get hurt!"  Now, if God knew what was coming down the road, why didn't He stop us? Right? Not really. As many times as I forewarn I cannot prevent every fall, fail, and heartbreak that will be experienced. God may be able to prevent things in the same way a parent is able to intervene. We don't always stop bad things from happening though, do we? Part of the way a child grows and blossoms becoming an inteligent, independant critter we just want to lock away for a while is by letting them learn from their mistakes. If you go back to the Garden of Eden. Yep, WAY BACK into Genesis... It all started by us having free-will. We had one rule to follow, but it was our decision to make. It was not forced. We were warned! There were, and still are, consequences to that action just like there is to every action made every day.

We can go back to basic physics. Good Ol' Newton... To every action there is always an equal and opposite reaction. No matter what we do in life we will get a reaction. There is no "get out of jail free" card. Sorry. I find it interesting how I talk with people that have some random encounter with God and "got radically saved". If you truly have had one of those encounters, don't let me take your joy. It can be a great thing. If it is what you want! What you truly want!!! However, I find that many people are just reaching out in the midst of their crisis. A guy just got caught with 5 kilos of cocaine. He decides to "surrender" to God out of the fear that is gripping him. Oh God can, and will, take your life and drastically change it. Just don't expect Him to take away that verdict of a jail sentence that was just announced. He isn't some genie in a bottle for you to rub when you need Him. He is there for you to call on. He will love you. He will walk with you every day as you return to your jail cell. He can even be an escape, but He isn't your "prison break".  Do you remember that still and small voice that was tugging at the back of your heart? The one that said, "You're gonna get hurt!"

We all have it every day. Just like a parent. God cares. He loves. His heart aches as you ignore His voice. A tears rolls down His cheek when He sees the pain and suffering. He is still there. He may not be the head of the prevention or intervention center. You won't find Him there. That isn't His role. He is president of Comfort and Peace Chapel. He will hold you when you are haunted by your darkest fear. He will carry you when you can no longer bear your burdens. And He will wipe your tears when you in the midst of your deepest sorrows. He picks us up when we fall off the highest mountain, even if He told us not to go their in the first place. We may face physical therapy to over come the physical damage, but He holds our hand every step of the way.