Can I have your order?

I only had three hours left. It would take me three more hours and I would be home. The last few days had been tense. I was missing a lot of work that really needed to be getting done. And I was almost back to normal. Well, my normal.

A couple days ago I lost something of value. I am obviously not caught up in having stuff. That is made apparent by the country I choose to live in. If I can give up showers and electricity then I can give up everything, right? Sort of.  I still have a couple really nice things, mostly jewelry. One of them happened to be a watch. It was white gold. It had diamonds around the face. I wear it every day and have worn it every day for YEARS. It goes with everything. I actually had a pin replaced in the band back in June. Well, it happened. Some how… Some where… I remember checking the time. I picked some stuff up. Plopped the stuff down. Five minutes later… I feel naked. I went to check for the time and it was gone. I was upset, shocked, annoyed, and mad. I felt like someone had taken something from me. It is hard to explain, but like it had been ripped away from me. I could never replace something that expensive with the current life I live which is simplistic to say the least. I went back inside… Searched high and low. I went outside. NOTHING. I wish I could tell you that this story ends with me getting home and finding it. It doesn’t. It is really gone. I almost cried.  Till I remembered it was something that really didn’t matter because it is really insignificant in the grand scheme of things, but it does still sting. I don't lose anything except for my phone and car keys. This was so random.

I made one last attempt and re-traced my steps throughout the day. I even went back to talk to a manager at one of the establishments. I left my number asking for her to call if anything was found. She happily agreed and said, “Was it like a Michael Kohrs or something?” I chuckled, “Not really, it would be a Kohrs on steroids. If it is found and you pick it up, you will know it is mine. It is unique and nothing close to a category that would be sold here.”

I left not being able to track time. “Okay God, if it is gone I am okay with that. Your restoration is better than anything else.”

Now…  A couple days later. I am here. Lost, with no sense of time. Judging by the sun. I put another watch on. It immediately started to make me itch. I left it on thinking I would get used to it. My wrist starts to blister. Okay… Off it goes. I am living in the no time zone.

Yesterday, started really early for me.  I was going on tens hours of crazy and still had three to go. I am buying a bottle of water. Hit the bathroom. Head for the door.  I walked out beaming with the confidence of knowing where I am going and what I am doing. I unlock the car, slide in behind the wheel, turn the key… NOTHING!!! Not a click, not a ding. “God? Are you really looking out for me? I am all alone here. It would be really nice to have some assistance.” I see some people in the parking lot and ask for help. No… One lady is afraid I am going to attack her. Another has some place to be. It is hot. I must be looking quite crazy and gang like. I go back and sit. “God, if I am supposed to be here for something you really need to show me what it is. I am tired and want to go home!”

I see an older couple getting into a van. I ask for help. The man smiles and says, “that is what I am here for.”  They come and jump the car. I am so grateful and explain how the other people had said no to my plea for assistance. They leave. I drive off. Not two minutes out and they are pulled over on the side of the road. My heart beats faster. “Lord? Please tell me that wasn’t a set up! Please tell me what to do. You order my steps!” I was aware of the sunset behind me. I didn’t want to drive in the dark by myself, but I was grateful I didn’t have kids. I take a big sigh and I pull over. “Do you need some help?” He looked up and smiled. To be honest I wasn’t sure if it was the smile of the wicked witch saying now I am going to get you my pretty or if it was a genuine smile. Unfortunately you just never know what you are going to get here in Honduras. This is the country where your own employees order assasins to take you out. I must have shown my nerves because he said, “Go on, its getting late, we will be fine.” I drive down a few blocks.

“Lord, they helped me when nobody else would. You have to protect me because the least I can do is help them.” I turn around, I park behind the van. I hear someone praying as I walk past the windows. “Do you know much about cars? Is it something you can fix?”  He is holding the cable to the accelerator. He can’t get the van to start. “I have no tools, and I know nothing, but if you need a ride some place, need a phone, or maybe even if I just sit here so you aren’t all alone. I will do whatever you need. You helped me, now let me help you.”  The lady a little older than me walks over to me, “I prayed that He would send us an angel, He sent us you.”  Feeling a little relieved at this point that I wasn’t going to be shoved into the van or tied up and thrown to the side of the road like so many others I gave her a smile. “He has His angels around us, and He orders our steps, but we have to listen. Today, I just finally decided to set my agenda aside and to listen.”

Long story short, I ended up towing them to a mechanic. I don’t know how I found a mechanic, but I did. He ordered my steps and lead me down the path. We said our goodbyes and I was now leaving when I should have been arriving.  It was okay… I couldn’t really keep track of the time anyways, right? Had my watch been on… I never would have helped. When I am in public I tend to hide my phone so it doesn’t draw extra attention so I wasn't checking the hour. God knew. Had I been with my kids, I never would have risked helping. God knew.

I can’t say what could have happened. I don’t know what He protected both vehicles from, but I am sure it was something. He has His reasons. Both vehicle issues were simple fixes. Literally, just a matter of having the right tool on hand. To be honest, I get so caught up in the time or the loss of time and where it is I need to be or what it is that I need to be doing. Many times I miss all of the little miracles that are around me.

So I have a new challenge. Not just for me, but I am sure it applies to you too. “God, can I have your order?” I don’t always want it, but I know it is best.  “Father, lead me, guide me, direct me, You order my steps today and every day. Keep me from distractions and frustrations of the loss of time. Remind me that You are the Lord of all. And the Lord of all is either Lord of EVERYTHING or Lord of nothing. Today, I give you EVERYTHING!”  Everything! Even my silly little watch, the time keeper. He is the real time keeper anyways. AND I know that in one second everything can change so the reality is that watching the minutes pass by really accomplishes nothing.

Giving everything to His order… Submitting entirely to His plan. That is risky business. It is easy to say it. Easy to start to do it. It is so hard to follow through. We can do this! His plans. His will. Take His order. Follow His lead. We can do this together!

Go Ye... Donde?

You remember the feeling you felt as you walked down the hall in high school for the first time? The way your hands and knees trembled. The feeling that ached in the pit of your stomach as you were called up front for something by the homeroom teacher. Of the uncomfortable and awkward stress that engulfed every inch of your being as you sat in the huge lunch room. For those that went to a small school, maybe it wasn't like that. It was easy for me to be a big fish in my small private school. The year I went from a school of 200 to 2,000, something changed. I became insecure. What is funny about that is the way that every single one of those 2,000 kids had those moments, but rarely was it spoken about.

As as adult... Maybe because of random experiences, I developed more of an I don't really care mentality. (Most of the time that is.) If you want to try and make me care then I find myself pushing myself away from you.

Explanation:

If you are a valued member of my life then I respect your thoughts and opinions. I will share information with you. If you are not one of these members and try to force your opinion on me I become cold or just neglect to value what I hear. There is nothing wrong with this. I ask for advice from those I respect. I do not give respect nor do I value advice from those who have not earned it.

That is normal.

Respect is earned. Respect is to be valued. Respect is not demanded or commanded. It takes playing a part in the lives of the people around you.

This is so true in leadership. A true leader will fight with you. A true leader pauses to see what the hold up is on their teams and evaluating resolutions and working through to the finish line together. Osea (Like), Leading by example.

I am often dumbfounded by the way visitors tend to give opinions and thoughts on missions never having lived on the mission field, or lived in Honduras, or worked with abused children. I sometimes start to feel the high school intimidation consuming my body, then I quickly remind myself that I am starting to act like a child again and push myself beyond that moment. The problem really isn't me here. How do I know this? Because the criticism would be followed up by assistance to accomplish the correction if the criticism actually came from a person of value (in the instance a leader). And a true leader or person of value would not try to make you feel nor desire for you to feel the awkward intimidation.

Everyone has felt that intimidation. All of us have experienced the awkward feeling of not measuring up and not having value. From the Class Clown to Mr. Popularity. The difference is how we react. Do we embrace reality and press in so we can move forward? Or do we give up and back away?

I am trying to teach my son to be a little like Simba and "laugh at the face of danger." In other words push through uncomfortable moments and recognize value in the people around him. This is hard. So much of the confidence he will one day have comes with time. It comes with maturity. There is part of him that recognizes when he is acting shy. He is learning. He now reports when he is feeling this way. Teaching him to press in, pass it to the side, and do what it is he came to do is complicated. Little by little, we can get there.

Telling him these things is great. It doesn't mean much though. Living by example, well...
The other day I had to run for a meeting. I tried on several outfits. I fixed my hair and face four times. (I didn't look any better than before I started.) Jayden asked me why I was being silly. I recognized that I had regressed all the way back to my childhood. I had to be honest. "Jayden, I think I am just uncomfortable because I know they will be pretty. They will be professional. They will be prepared." I was coming from cleaning up baby poop and dealing with high school problems because one of our kids isn't doing very well in math. I didn't feel like I could put on a different hat to go meet with an attorney in the moment. The funny thing is that the attorney was asking to meet me because they needed help with a case. It had nothing to do with something on my end it was them seeking something from me. Isn't it funny how quickly we get consumed and start to feel inferior?

I am recognizing more and more the importance of not just suggesting... Not just speaking... But actually being the example. It is one thing to have the ideas. It is another to take the time to implement them help change the action.

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. (Thank you Mr. Warren! This and your talk about absolute power follow me every where!)

If I want to cause a positive reaction, I have to create and be part of the positive action.

Whether it be in motivating my child to change or motivating staff to move in a different direction.  I can't expect an outcome if I am not willing to be part of the movement. What are you willing to invest to be part of the change? What is it that you don't like and why? How are you going to help change it? Words... they are just words. Change needs action! Action not hesitant because of intimidation.

In the last two years we have been surrounded by some really amazing churches. They may not have all the money in the world to help accomplish and change everything in the moment. BUT they have the hearts. Their people are full of love and compassion. They recognize the imperfection amongst all of us. They see our hearts are trying. Their pastors and staff have offered so much guidance and encouragement. They don't say "Hey! You guys have it all together!" NOPE!!!! They do say, "Keep going. You will get there! Keep growing!" Then they help us grow. One block and bag of cement at a time.  I learn so much about leadership by watching them lead. Watching their honesty. Hearing their stories. It is refreshing.

They have taught me that change needs action and it doesn't happen because you order it to. Unfortunately, Genesis has God resting on the 7th day and never saying that He empowered us to speak new change into being without actually becoming the change. In fact, I think when Jesus came into play it became more of an example than ever of the way we are supposed to be. Read that again. The way we are supposed to "BE." He is our example to follow. He became the change. Touching one life at a time. He didn't save everyone. He did save the few that He could. AND Other than demanding illness to leave and calling down miracles... where is there a story about Him commanding anybody into action? One exception, "GO YE!" He commanded us. Not some of us. He commanded all of us to take part in this change. High school intimidation step aside... Now Just GO! Take action! Be that change!

Scary? Yes, I know. One step in front of the other. Start now. Don't go buy that Starbucks! Stick that $5 aside to make a change some how, some way... You doing it. You sending someone to do it. Or you sending it to someone that is already doing it. You have the power. Start that mission or support that mission.

I, like many others, am running on very little sleep. I have a new born. She isn't mine. Can I be honest? I don't even want her. I am tired of raising kids. I know that nobody else seems to care for babies the way my momma would and it disgusts me so I sacrifice and keep her with me. I could just pay someone to be a nanny, but we don't have enough funding. I just had to turn away five kids last night. I can't take on any more kids. I am out of beds. I have two kids sleeping on the floor. I had to tell five kids between the ages of four and eleven that I could not take them home with me. I left them sleeping in the holding cell at the police station. I am trying to do all that I can to impact the lives of the kids that surround me. I need help. I need funds. I need people!

Are you hearing me? If you are supposed to be here helping... PLEASE COME!!! We need you!

I know that bills are forever showing up in the mail. I know that you probably already give to ten different charities, but if you can spare just and extra $5 a month... please give it! It doesn't have to be to ODM. There are plenty of people that are desperate for your assistance. Give more. Do more. Be a part of the change! Take some action!

GO YE!!

Santa, Christmas, and Helping Others!

“Mom, I don’t want to stay here for Christmas. I want to go to Mimi’s!”

“But Jayden, this is where we live. Why don’t you want to be home for Christmas?”

“Because Santa doesn’t come to Honduras!  Why not mom? Why?”

I had to think. I wasn’t sure how to respond. I let the words I had just heard sink in. How do I defend this? Does it really need a defense? I was frustrated by his persistence on something so insignificant.

Christmas. A celebration. A party of sorts in remembrance of our SAVIOR! He didn’t say Christmas doesn’t come to Honduras. He said SANTA.  We have spent the last couple days preparing for Christmas at the orphanage. He has begged for every nativity scene to come home with us because we need to have Baby Jesus under our tree. He gets the reason behind the season I love. What he doesn’t get is why Santa doesn’t come here with all the pretty packages.

At first, I thought this was awful. This child of mine that wasn’t grasping the reason Santa is not in Honduras. Then I remembered a note that I received from the director of his school. “Jayden is the first in his class to help and give to another student in need.”  The thought was reassuring in the moment. The kid that makes once a week visits to the school nurse. The English speaking kid that gets in trouble every week for speaking too much Spanish in school. The kid that is too rough for his age, and while the teacher says he is just playing, some how the other students tend to get hurt. That kid. He is my little giver. My helper. I quickly had flashbacks of how many times I would yell for him to stop giving away his toys because he wouldn’t have any left. Then I remembered the days we couldn’t buy groceries and he would give away his last cheese stick to the little girl that came and begged at the gate. If anybody understands the giving principal it is him. He gets it so well. He thinks Santa should be giving too. It is the poverty and dirt he does not see.

He lives surrounded by the poverty in this country. He has helped feed the poorest of the poor. He plays with them. Laughs with them. And he has helped them brush off the dirt as they stand up from falling off the rocks outside the feeding station. How do I explain that the families can’t afford presents without ruining the mystery of Santa? The real reason there are no pretty packages is because of the poverty that surrounds us?

He has asked why I haven’t started preparing the baskets for our kids. He likes to put in the drink packets. How do I explain that this year the ministry doesn’t have the funds for Christmas baskets so we aren’t giving to all the families at the feeding station? We only have enough for some families so we have plenty of time to get it done.

I have similar thoughts to his all the time.

I have turned down at least one new child every day over the past week. I pray that God sends someone to meet their needs so they don’t go to bed hungry at night because I can’t bring them home. I sob as I try to go to sleep feeling an agony so deep that it pierces my soul in an excruciating way. “God, let them know they are loved!”

I went last week to meet with a girl that is not just wanting placement, but needs it. I want to say yes. I just can’t right now. On the way home I stopped to pick up one last ingredient for the Christmas cookies we were going to make that evening. As I stood in the check-out lane Jayden picked up some “pretties”.  With all of his excitement “Look it! Look it!! Mom!!! Look at this!!!” I reluctantly turned to let him know I was sort of paying attention. “Can we get this for the new girl for Christmas? She would like it!”

How do I explain to a four year old that has more compassion than I do, the reason I can’t bring home more kids?

I think every year Open Doors makes a plea for help with Christmas baskets and Christmas presents.

My plea is for something more. It is for consistent monthly support. It is for families to “adopt” a child from afar and send them support so they can feel and experience the love of a Savior. What if this year instead of sending corporate gift baskets a corporate sponsorship of a child was made? What if instead of a gift to someone that already has everything, you gave in their honor to someone with nothing?

I think it would be great to play Santa all year. Not just stopping in the month of December. Giving a gift that will continue to impact and change a life. Making a difference. If that is something that would interest you please go to our website and donate now! Help us continue to be a blessing! 

Donate Now!

Thats My Daddy!

I have been randomly known to bring home pet projects. Last night, I remembered it is something I get from my dad.

My dad used to let the homeless stay at our house. Our garage had a room off to the side that they would make a bed up in, they had their own bathroom with a shower. I felt awkward at times walking into the house if there was a random guy outside. I remember my dad being so giving and helpful. He would put them to work, he took them to job sites, and in the end the money was typically used for booze. Addiction sucks the life out of them. There was one guy in particular that had stayed with us for months. Dad made sure he had a bicycle. He had given him jobs, and the guy found some side work on his own. He would come and go. He was even found at church from time to time. He was able to enter through a side door and was free to be on his own. He lived with us for a couple months then one day he disappeared. A little while later he was back asking for help. He would disappear again. He would be back. One night, my dad had a strange phone call. The guy had been hit by a train. It was sad, but I never really built a relationship with him. I didn't really care. A little while later my dad was cleaning out the room, throwing things in the garbage. How sad? A guy with no real family, shut off from society, never truly able to overcome addiction.

I don't know if my dad did this to ease his conscience. I never asked if my mom really wanted to help or if it made her uneasy. It doesn't really matter. Sometimes what we do in the flesh makes us uncomfortable. Every now and then we just have to do it anyways.

My dad can be described as many things. Some think he is rough, mean, aggressive, cold. (Typically only seen if you have to work with him!) Others think he is giving, warm, self-sacrificial, loving. One word, patience, it doesn't really describe him. The rest all fit depending on the situation.

Dad is selfless. He has been known to give away cars, computers, free re-models and repairs. He is the first to try and provide for the needs of those that need it most. He has a soft spot for widows. He is the hardest worker I know. He will bend over backwards to make you happy even if it puts his back out of place.

He is not the type of teacher you want in a classroom. He is a teacher by lifestyle. One to model your actions after. Why? Because he gets something...

Temporary discomfort brings Heavenly Rewards!!!